so...

I might have a crush on my best friend.  
   
I've known them for a fat chunk of years now.  
   
A long time ago, we agreed that we didn't have feelings for each other, despite, getting close unexpectedly. Things...I guess, can change a bit after enough time has passed.  
   
But I'm gonna have to dig a little into my feelings first before I do anything rash.  
   
It could just me projecting onto someone because I feel lonely.  
   
And, I want to get into a relationship because I like someone, not just cause I feel lonely, right?  
   
This person also recently went through a (drawn-out) break-up. From first hand experience, I've seen what happens when you get in a relationship too quickly from a break-up. Except, I was the person who was broken up with, then witnessed my ex hit on my close friend (at the time).  
   
I don't want to be in that spot again.  
   
I wonder what it's gonna take to actually be in a relationship again that is a genuine, all-accepting connection with someone. I've never felt that before.  
   
I'm mostly a fly on the wall, really. In fact, being alone has so many benefits. There's so much I can enjoy by myself.  
   
I don't understand what I might be feeling yet for this person.  
   
I have to know what I really, really feel. I have to find out.  
   
A genuine connection is such a precious thing, but it's one of the hardest things to manage. People are messy. People are imperfect.  
   
I don't even know if I could accept him if he were to show sides of himself that...he'd prefer at first not to show me.  
   
At least, I should explore the possibility of my feelings, if a relationship is something I'm ready for. Not just with this person, but I guess, in general.  
   
Then, I guess we'll figure out the rest later.