I'm not

I'm no longer hungry  
This loneliness is enough to keep me satisfied  
My mind is preoccupied  
 
Most people are deceived  
That loneliness consists of absolute nothing  
 
But if you gave yourself more time lusting for the void
You wouldn't feel so destroyed  
Often I'm feeling toyed
 
Popping in and out of secure feelings  
Not even sure where those even come from  
You've got me on a long leash fella  
and never seemed to care if Im your someone  
 
Discarded it seems
From anything that would mutually benefit me  
Maybe I need to stop being so selfish
All I wanted was symbiosis  
I know you think I'm mean
 
I've gotten slender by the day  
And I don't want to slip out of my collar  
I don't want to be lead astray  
And by just anyone who wants to guide me to that bad place
 
Your eyes are often elsewhere these days.  
On your particular porn without me  
but mostly video games  
 
But maybe that's always been the truth  
And I will always ache to feel more connected  
I wish I was tethered to you
But more alone time is fine  
It's something I can do to
 
My heart still reaches out
My body still screams  
So desperately wanting  
Someone to absolutely consume me  
 
But if I step out of line
On days it's hard to behave  
Does someone exists
who I can look to lead the way ?
Even if it takes fear based punishments?
Even if it takes pain ?
Even if it makes me want to kill myself  
It will put me in better shape
It will make me more empathetic
It will keep me focused on being better
Create harmony in my broken brain.  
 
I'm no longer hungry  
This loneliness is enough to keep me satisfied  
My mind is preoccupied
On Why the stars won't align
Why I  ask the incorrect questions all the time  
Why I avoid why we're not alright  
Why I avoid changing my life.