deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Void
i needed you tonight
but you weren't there
you just weren't there
i needed compassion tonight
yet no one was there
simply no one
no one there
true friends are non-existent
except in my head
they are all in my head
goddamn, i'm sad, but
at least i live true
all else in my universe, dead
like you
but you weren't there
you just weren't there
i needed compassion tonight
yet no one was there
simply no one
no one there
true friends are non-existent
except in my head
they are all in my head
goddamn, i'm sad, but
at least i live true
all else in my universe, dead
like you
Published 10th Sep 2024
Author's Note
This is one of my personal favorites, yet I feel like something is off. Constructive feedback welcome.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 171
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Sep 2024 3:26am
this night is riding on emptiness...an incompleteness is being explained.. you have expressed a lot in few words...
10th Sep 2024 3:30am
nice to hear your thoughts, dimpy. so i'm not completely screaming into the void...
10th Sep 2024 4:26am
It’s devastating when your mind leans into your deepest insecurities, making the loneliness the loudest bitch in the room. When you come up for air, I hope you truly are able to see outside that abusive narrative. You are so loved.
10th Sep 2024 4:54am
You are the best @Sadlassie. I know you know it's therapeutic. Cathartic. :)
12th Sep 2024 6:19am
I think you crave companionship, as well as compassion, in this. Not necessarily from one partner of intimacy, but acceptance overall, being lost in whatever uncertainties you have in trust. It's still very concise and expressive, given the powerfully moving and desperate transitions in the protagonist's agony. There is a standing disposition of relativity - the recognition of fate and death. The build up to that is painful to witness, though. Good job with the style you used to capture this, in the minimality of words, and repetition in phrases, building. Thanks for sharing!
