Toxic Masculinity

There’s no more soothing a sound
as the sound your own voice
-inside your own head- makes
half way down that unlit road,
the sand dunes on either side,
as you let the dogs off the leash
and light a cigarette
at some time past ten pm
when you realise
that of all those paths you crossed…

The ones who sought
to do you harm.
The ones who might still seek
to do you harm
could arrive here…
and the life that you have chosen,
and lived,
and honoured,
and toiled with,
would drop them all
-almost effortlessly, almost-
no matter what they might try.

I put my cigarette out
between my foot
and the wet tarmac.
I call the dogs back,
leash them,
and they carry me back
to the humble castle
I built for myself
while everyone else
was swept away
in something I promised
I would never understand.