SEPARATION    (1990's; Galveston Island, Texas)

 
 
ill health  
has kept me stuck  
indoors too long again  
where the only thing  
that s grown  
at all in me  
for months on end  
here lately  
is this increasingly growing  
swollen sense  
of ever deepening  
separation  
for here i am  
again today  
stuck inside once more again  
with not much  
i can do at all  
beyond  
and aside from  
my usual  
daydream  
window longing  
moist  soft clouds  
fine mists falling  
accumulates  
into drops on leaves  
to my skin calling  
yet all my heart  
my spirit  my mind  
my body and all my senses  
are feeling  
is further separation  
while deeper inside me here  
another inner voice  
is quietly mauling  
confessing some sort of attestation  
the future  my future  
whatever that is  
seems to be so tired and appalling  
as my true self grieves itself  
ever and ever closer  
towards and into  
full resignation  
and even more simply  
into finally just letting go  
and giving up  
my stubborn  old ghost  
so desperately wanting  
to escape this plastic  
concrete  metal ache  
i feel so tightly enclosed in  
so helplessly stuck in  
here yet again inside  
like some all confining  
all consuming  
inescapable addiction  
this unwanted affliction  
which will not go away  
that never seems to end  
which leaves me motionless here  
helplessly succumbing  
blind folded  gagged  hog tied  bound  
suffocating  slowly drowning  
near the bottom of this  
rapidly crumbling world s  
increasingly deadly  
murky  toxic lake  
not even wanting anymore  
to try and swim  
no point in doing so now  
up out of the dim  
of way too much mass humanity insanity  
to escape for good  
forever if possible  
as far away as i possibly can  
from modern civilization s  
maddeningly incessant  chaotic din  
for i don t think i can take  stand  nor bear  
another fucking damn moment  
of my too long  ongoing  
continued  futile struggle  
at striving to either  
live  or die  nor to even be here anymore  
in this increasingly worsening  
rapidly failing  dying world  
of so much suffocating  blinding noise  
surging artifice and needless human clutter  
of and from modern life s  
ever expanding  myriad metastatic  
cancerous ulcers and tumors  
now so systemically spread  
throughout almost everything there is  
but now it s possibly already too intractably  
far too late to treat  
to remedy or resolve  
for now it s all come down to this  
it s either sink or swim  
though not just for me here  
this time around  
but for all of us now  
for now we re all equally teetering  
out here on the very brink  
of our specie s historic own  
far too long ongoing  
now near complete and total  
innate spiritual disconnection  
unconscionable destruction  
disrespect  relentless  near constant abuse  
devastating exploitation  
from each other  
from nature  
from our living  conscious  sacred mother earth  
from pretty much everything and all  
that is natural  sacred and beautiful  
which once for countless ages  
was long  deeply seen and held  
as truly precious and holy  
but we re also now all out here  
teetering even more closely and precariously  
on the increasingly fragile  thin ice brink  
of giving in completely  
to one last  mad  final human s action s  
horrifically unthinkable  
catastrophically conclusive  
ultimate  consequential end  
but never mind all that for now  
forget all the age old  conflicted debates  
on corrective options  
and conflictive  possible solutions  
forget all the blame  
just dissolve all the delusions  
and illusions  
of all we long lost  overly diluted souls  
and all our old  
equally delusional  failed constitutions  
for it s the same old story  
we ve always been used and used up in  
as completely disposable pawns  
and as mindlessly obedient patsies  
all our toils and troubles up in flames  
divine retribution perhaps  
or some kind of immeasurably sick game  
which we have now so long been losing  
ever since they first began  
yet which we all now seem  
to be increasingly moving  
ever more quickly towards  
or something ineffably  
other  
beyond all that  
beyond us all  
now moving us all  
ever further  ever more deeply  
ever more quickly towards
and into our very own
total mass  dead end  final  
separation  
through complete and total obliteration
and global mass annihilation  
of our human species  
and everything else in and of this our present world  
which i feel strongly  
may or will  sooner than later now  
no longer exist anymore  
from the looks of the way  
everything is still going on  
so apathetically unchanged  
in our present world and lives  
these days  
but then again  
who even really knows for sure  
anymore  
here in this our present world  
these days  
but that s o k too with me  
for ll just simply continue to trust  
and follow my intuitive nature s  
guiding  gut instinct s  
innermost  subtle  
and not so subtle guidance s cues  
and continue to just keep on  
going with the flow  
all alone  
on my own  
with greater peace of mind  
from my simply knowing and trusting  
that whatever final outcome  
may ultimately result or come  
to befall our now rapidly dying world  
along with us all  
as this earth s predominant species  
that i will nonetheless  
vibrationally adapt  
physically or transcendently  
to whatever or whichever  
of those final  so called  
end times outcome s hands  
may or  may not  
eventually or inevitably  
suddenly come down  
in the blink of an eye
which seems to me
to nonetheless be
our human species
more than well earned  
great cosmic
or karmic
just
reward