deepundergroundpoetry.com

Thirtieth

Sitting here pondering my thirtieth,
When I feel as if 50 lifetimes have passed
Just in the last decade
No one tells you when you leave home
What you must forfeit
Not that I would have made a different decision
But maybe I would have not done them so quietly
So independently
It�s lonely to know no one has known you in all of your phases
Only parts of what you understood at that time
some villainess, some heroic
Most not even knowing yourself
Or what you long for
Or what you�re trying to find
What is authenticity
If everything around you is a construct
You may think of me as a conspiracy theorist
You may find me daydreaming of societies downfall into tradition
Into digging in dirt and living in villages
Somewhere I don�t have to choose separation to follow something that I love
Somewhere that people aren�t the vampires and the monsters or the wolves with the sheep
Somewhere where the books aren�t quietly teaching children that humanity is the real beast
I wish thirty times this year that we won�t be so damn quiet
I have another 50 lives to live within the next decade
New things to grow tired of and old things to miss
Imagining utopia, because my past lives beg for it