Discipline, Punishment and Funishment

Three terms that get used incorrectly or interchangeably in BDSM are Discipline, Punishment, and Funishment. These words are not the same, and they have distinct differences. So what’s the difference, and why is it important that you know? Let’s find out.

What is discipline?
Discipline is teaching someone how to behave correctly or complete a desired task. It is setting expectations, guidelines, and rules. Discipline is having accountability for the Dominant and the submissive. It’s using verbal and non-verbal communication as a form of correction or giving suggestions for correcting behavior or action.

What is the difference between discipline and punishment?
Discipline is teaching or training a desired behavior or action.
Punishment is issuing a consequence for a misbehavior or incorrect action.

What does punishment consist of?
First, let me address “Can a D/s dynamic not use punishment?”. Sure, everyone has different styles. But let me explain why I think punishment is important.

First and foremost, punishment is not given when the Dom(me) is angry. It is not handed out when upset. If the Dom(me) is mad, they should step back and cool down. Then they should address and administer the punishment when they have a clear head and are not reacting emotionally.

Punishment is earned. It is given when a submissive breaks (or forgets) a rule, and when they don’t complete a task correctly. Punishment should be an action that neither the Dom(me) nor submissive enjoys. If it’s something the submissive enjoys, then it’s not a suitable punishment for that person.

Punishment offers a way for a submissive to atone for their wrongdoing and then move on. Lots of submissives struggle with the disappointment factor when they get in trouble, not only for disappointing their Dom(me) but for disappointing themselves. Completing a punishment allows the submissive to not dwell in the disappointment. “Yes, you did wrong. Yes, you were punished for it. No, you may not dwell in the disappointment. The punishment is over. You will not continue to beat yourself up over the wrongdoing.” This is, in my opinion, a crucial expectation a Dom(me) should set with their submissive. Punishment leads to forgiveness.
Once the punishment is over, it should not be referenced, mentioned, or brought up again.
What if I don’t want to do a punishment because it will trigger me?

Punishments, as well as virtually everything else in BDSM, should be negotiated. This is very important. Talk with your submissive. Negotiate and discuss what they need and what you need. Some people need space after a punishment. Some people need reassurance and affection. Aftercare is essential for their mental mindset after a punishment is complete.

Should a safeword be available during a punishment?
Absolutely. While a safeword should never be used as a manipulation to get out of a punishment, it should be there for the safety of everyone involved. Don’t be afraid to use it if you need to.

What is funishment?
Funishment is commonly called punishment, even though the two are completely different. Funishment is a type of play where one consensually pushes their rules or their Dom(me) to earn an enjoyable consequence that is disguised as being in trouble.
For example, if a sub wants to be spanked, they may do something bratty towards their Dom(me) to try and earn a spanking.

Is there anything to be aware of regarding funishment?
Yes! Do not try to earn a funishment without discussing it with your Dom(me) first. Misbehaving to earn a funishment can lead to punishment if both Dom(me) and submissive are not on the same page.

Funishment is very popular and enjoyed by a lot of people. It’s playful and fun. Just make sure you communicate and negotiate about the effects of funishment for you.