I can’t stop how I feel

I stare at your pictures for hours on end, dreaming and fantasizing of holding you close. I imagine the feeling of my hands on your bare skin, just being with you, feeling the warmth of your embrace. But I know it’ll never happen because I blew it with us, and that realization pierces through me like a knife. Still, I can’t stop myself from fantasizing. I think about you for hours, losing track of time in a whirlwind of impossible dreams, until reality crashes down on me and I remember that these scenarios will never come to be.

You’re so beautiful, so funny, and every time I see your picture or hear your name, butterflies erupt in my stomach. I play back your old voice messages, and I still get goosebumps all over my body. The sound of your voice is like a haunting melody that I can’t escape. I’ve tried for so long not to look at the pictures I’ve hidden on my phone, tried to cut all contact with you, but I still find myself circling back to the same path I took to forget you. It’s a vicious cycle, one I can’t seem to break.

I can’t stop. I can’t stop how I feel, no matter how much I want to. The memories of us, the sound of your laughter, the way you made me feel alive—it all lingers in my mind like a persistent ghost. My heart aches with the weight of it all. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling this way. The love I have for you is a wound that refuses to heal, and every day, I feel the pain of what could have been. My heart hurts, but even in this pain, I find a strange comfort, knowing that what we had was real, even if it’s now just a memory.