Willed from Bed

History makes it all sound so tidy with,
' Shakespeare's will writ four weeks before he's dead,'
where their first, best-bed, used, goes to Judith  
and Anne gets their brand-new, second, best-bed...
 
I'm having a laugh, of course, it's dread stuff,
I'm just gonna will mine on this hospice,
before they get picky and take the huff
at my junk and think I'm taking the piss...
 
My will's a paltry thing, just a gesture,  
from my mouth to clean up all my loose ends,
I've spent a life cleaning up so for sure
I know what goes round those hidden U bends.
 
So, I'll fast as I finish life's business,
Then, at death, I shan't leave a smelly mess?