willful amnesia

 
how honest are we with ourselves  
when the night howls
& memory lies behind our eyes
is it the heart & it's infinite capacity to forget
gaslighting us into believing we must have...
...what we desire
as if that worked out so well the last time
& truth is...
reality tastes better dipped in arsenic  
going down...at any rate
it's the gut clawing crawl to the end that reminds us
too late to kick ourselves  
or renege on the deal we made  
to appease our desperate need
to cave...giving in
...like a child in full body tantrum
we give it the treat for a moment of fucking peace
never quite works out though...does it
the aspect that stood back...shaking its head
saying this is such a bad idea...
never gets the credit it deserves
so...how honest are we...really
...when the heart wants
...but the head says fuck that shit
& we ignore the voice of reason