Who Am I?

I feel it creeping back in again
It's never gone for too long
This urge to push people away
To retreat into my mind

I don't want to care
I don't want to feel
I don't want to worry

I'm trying so hard not to give in
It's eating at me

Why does nothing make me happy?

When I have nobody to talk to
When there is nobody to miss
Where there is nobody that cares
I'm miserable

When there are people who want to talk
When there are people to miss
When there are people that care
I'm burdened

What the fuck do I want?

How can I not know the answer to that question?

Being in the dark makes me want to die
Trying to find the light feels like I'm being fake

What am I?
Who am I?

I'm so fucking extreme about everything

The highs feel like I'm floating around amongst the stars
The lows feel like free falling in a bottomless pit

There's no in between and the shifts are instantaneous

This inconsistency makes me feel like I have no identity

I say that I want to be happy
The truth is, I have no idea what that even means for me
Maybe I'm incapable of being happy
Maybe it's the search that keeps me miserable

Maybe I'm just an asshole that focuses too much on the bad
While taking all of the good for granted