Unchartered Waters - Part Four – Swimming with Delight

Stopping at the tracks  
Anticipating his arrival  
Jump into his car  
Forbidden love’s survival  
Waiting patiently for his car to come around the curve and pull up beside me. The butterflies were seriously biting and my heart was filled with contentment. It seemed so natural. Opening the door and sliding into the seat next to him. If only it wasn’t necessary for this joy to be invisible to the outside world. I felt alive. I felt loved. I felt real. Emotions that I thought were long buried suddenly were full of life again! Like a couple of teenagers, we would be all giddy and giggle and hold hands and talk. It seemed so easy to talk WITH each other. For me it felt surreal. Someone who actually listened and cared what I had to say? Wow. It went both ways. I listened to him and cared about him, about his day, about his thoughts and his feelings. I knew the love I felt was real. Sitting on his front porch together made me a happy person. We would talk some more, listen to music and laugh. I enjoyed being near him. We looked at each other while talking. That was something I rarely did in conversations. My favorite thing to do was to lay my head against his chest and listen to his heart beat. No words were spoken. We just hugged until I was ready to let go. No matter how many times I did that, it was still amazing. When I would make something to take to him, the best part was watching him enjoy what I had made. I felt appreciated. Often, we would end up making love. It was always tender, gentle and as slow as I wanted it to be. It was not rushed and never felt like we were just “going through the motions.” Sex had stopped being enjoyable to me until him. Before him it had reached the point of being fake and felt like a duty. There were times when I had to, even though I didn’t want to. I eventually became someone unwanted. I was a ghost in every way in my own home. For years I had felt alone, abandoned, broken, useless and scared and even though I wasn’t by myself, I was still invisible so I just gave up. Then, slowly, it happened. My true soulmate and I swam out into those unchartered waters and found pure delight. We had crossed the point of no return. Nothing would ever be the same.