every time I forget to forget you

It's weird how every few years
I look you up on social media
wonder where you're at
wonder how you're doing
like I actually fucking care

It's perverse curiosity at best
but there's never a good reason
for me to look you up
and looking over your life
always makes me end up
hating myself
because despite the fact
(or perhaps because of)
the fact you're an absolute cunt
you're doing better
at this life stuff than me

You got your dream job
retired young
have a beautiful family
and someone you love

And it's not like I'm loveless
or lonely or pining for days long gone
but I am bitter that you got everything
you ever wanted
and I've spent a life time
trying to undo all the ways you broke me

It's weird how every few years
I look you up on social media
wonder where you're at
wonder how you're doing

When all I really want to know
is that you've suffered
in some fucking karmic retribution
that apparently doesn't exist