deepundergroundpoetry.com
Maybe I Am Not Kind
If I saw something “bigger” than me, “cooler” than me,
that was my goal.
I wanted to be accepted and I also wanted to show people that
I was cool,
and fun,
and I could do anything because I was that person.
So I would leave people, and things,
and push them out of my way.
I wouldn’t stop till I got what I wanted,
and then when I got it, I realized,
what I wanted didn’t ever want me.
So I was heartbroken because I lost all of these things,
and people, and
I lost my self respect and dignity.
I lost myself
that was my goal.
I wanted to be accepted and I also wanted to show people that
I was cool,
and fun,
and I could do anything because I was that person.
So I would leave people, and things,
and push them out of my way.
I wouldn’t stop till I got what I wanted,
and then when I got it, I realized,
what I wanted didn’t ever want me.
So I was heartbroken because I lost all of these things,
and people, and
I lost my self respect and dignity.
I lost myself
Published 16th Jun 2024
Author's Note
It's things like these that make me believe I am not a kind person. I hope I don't do it anymore, because that's never my goal.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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16th Jun 2024 11:05am
Dear M,
This poem reminds me of youth. Trying to figure things and sort through what’s real versus what’s not. That sense of feeling lost and disappointed is so well expressed in your poem. Your commitment to being yourself is an affirmation of love I think wonderful and kind. I think this is a great piece for its raw emotion and courage. H🌷
This poem reminds me of youth. Trying to figure things and sort through what’s real versus what’s not. That sense of feeling lost and disappointed is so well expressed in your poem. Your commitment to being yourself is an affirmation of love I think wonderful and kind. I think this is a great piece for its raw emotion and courage. H🌷
16th Jun 2024 3:27pm
16th Jun 2024 11:51am
Hey there
I read this one few a couple of times to really take it in, but I think what I got most of all from this is that we’re just such a bunch of self-sabotaging idiots aren’t we?
Sometimes we push away people and places and things because we don’t believe we could ever be happy. We couldn’t possibly allow that for ourselves.
You ask in your authors note if you are kind. If this makes you kind. And I guess my answer to that is of course — kindness isn’t a measure of how we protected ourselves in order to survive. Kindness is in the acts. The inbetween. The fact that you are here, and still breathing, and still trying.
Kindness is who we are when we turn out the light.
Thank you for sharing this one. Have a good one.
-M
I read this one few a couple of times to really take it in, but I think what I got most of all from this is that we’re just such a bunch of self-sabotaging idiots aren’t we?
Sometimes we push away people and places and things because we don’t believe we could ever be happy. We couldn’t possibly allow that for ourselves.
You ask in your authors note if you are kind. If this makes you kind. And I guess my answer to that is of course — kindness isn’t a measure of how we protected ourselves in order to survive. Kindness is in the acts. The inbetween. The fact that you are here, and still breathing, and still trying.
Kindness is who we are when we turn out the light.
Thank you for sharing this one. Have a good one.
-M
16th Jun 2024 3:28pm
Hey girl. I understand this feeling completely. I'm going to share with you some words said to me by a girl that is wise beyond her years.
"Everyone has been and done asshole things, but it's about moving forward and fixing things. Being an asshole isn't something you're stuck with (unless you are absolutely the worst human being ever, which is not you), and you're clearly trying to fix it. Now flip the script and tell yourself that. You deserve care and happiness and peace. More than that, honestly."
That girl is really insightful. The truth is that none of us is perfect (what even is perfect?). We have all made mistakes. We have all done things that we are not proud of. However, the past is gone. We cannot change or undo the past and so that makes it a waste to fixate on. The person that I have come to know and become very fond of, is a kind, caring, compassionate person. A person that has no problem putting others before herself. A person with a huge heart. Someone who wants to make others lives a little easier if they can. You are reflective and that shows a desire to be a good person. You take stock of how you treat others.
Sometimes we have to lose everything to find everything. Sometimes what we lose wasnt meant for us and space needed to be freed up for the things that are. You may have lost things and people but you have also gained. You have gained some good support people here. You gained me and Im fucking loyal to the end. Youve gained the strength to admit these things and to actively be better and take steps to work on yourself and be the best version of you. You have helped me. You really have. You are a big part of the reason that I am no longer the darkness but rather just Rob. This horrible person you describe in this poem couldnt have done that.
You say you lost your self respect and dignity. Id say, based on what Ive seen and what Ive come to know about you, that you've actually gained both. You found yourself. You found the kind of person that you want to be and she is fucking beautiful!
I am so proud of you and you should be too! I am so grateful that you exist! Because of you I am not alone and it goes both ways. You are not alone. We are not alons. 🫶
"Everyone has been and done asshole things, but it's about moving forward and fixing things. Being an asshole isn't something you're stuck with (unless you are absolutely the worst human being ever, which is not you), and you're clearly trying to fix it. Now flip the script and tell yourself that. You deserve care and happiness and peace. More than that, honestly."
That girl is really insightful. The truth is that none of us is perfect (what even is perfect?). We have all made mistakes. We have all done things that we are not proud of. However, the past is gone. We cannot change or undo the past and so that makes it a waste to fixate on. The person that I have come to know and become very fond of, is a kind, caring, compassionate person. A person that has no problem putting others before herself. A person with a huge heart. Someone who wants to make others lives a little easier if they can. You are reflective and that shows a desire to be a good person. You take stock of how you treat others.
Sometimes we have to lose everything to find everything. Sometimes what we lose wasnt meant for us and space needed to be freed up for the things that are. You may have lost things and people but you have also gained. You have gained some good support people here. You gained me and Im fucking loyal to the end. Youve gained the strength to admit these things and to actively be better and take steps to work on yourself and be the best version of you. You have helped me. You really have. You are a big part of the reason that I am no longer the darkness but rather just Rob. This horrible person you describe in this poem couldnt have done that.
You say you lost your self respect and dignity. Id say, based on what Ive seen and what Ive come to know about you, that you've actually gained both. You found yourself. You found the kind of person that you want to be and she is fucking beautiful!
I am so proud of you and you should be too! I am so grateful that you exist! Because of you I am not alone and it goes both ways. You are not alone. We are not alons. 🫶
16th Jun 2024 3:30pm
28th Jun 2024 8:57am
What they said.
And yes, sometimes it takes someone giving us our own words to see what we can’t see for ourselves.
Hang in there.
And yes, sometimes it takes someone giving us our own words to see what we can’t see for ourselves.
Hang in there.
