Mornings

I wonder what its like  
To wake up looking forward to what a new day brings  
To feel refreshed and ready to take on the world  
Seeing the sun shining around the edges of the blackout curtains as a beacon of hope  
Instead of a stark reminder of having to push through another day  
 
Another day  
 
Of surviving rather than living  
Of an unrelenting desire to stop being  
 
Fighting not to give in to what is wanted the most  
Every fucking second  
The battle never stops  
A war raging inside  
While navigating through the monotony and playing a role  
Hiding what lies right beneath the surface  
 
No one knows  
 
How Im barely holding on  
How thin that line is between the person standing before them flashing a pained smile  
And the one that is being lowered into the ground, no longer fighting for a cause that he doesn't believe in