Chapter 20 A Path of Confession

Chapter 20: A Path of Confession

Brittney sat in her car, the engine idling softly as the cool morning air seeped through the barely cracked window. The familiar weight of guilt pressed heavily on her chest, constricting her breath as she prepared for what she was about to do. She took a deep breath and turned off the engine, stepping out and walking toward the modest building that housed the family counselor’s office.

Inside, the waiting room was quiet, save for the soft hum of the air conditioning. Brittney checked in with the receptionist and took a seat, her mind swirling with anxiety and anticipation. It wasn't long before the door to the inner office opened, and a woman in her early fifties stepped out, her kind eyes and gentle demeanor immediately setting Brittney at ease.

"Hello, Brittney. Come on in," said the counselor, extending a hand. "I'm Dr. Linda Marshall."

Brittney shook her hand and looked around the empty lobby with a sigh of relief.

I put gaps in my schedule,” Dr. Marshall said smiling. “It’s nice to have privacy.”

“Yes,” whispered Brittney.

Brittney noticed Dr. Marshall’s height and wondered if she’s played sports. She retained an athletic figure.

Following Dr. Marshall into the office, Brittney settled into a comfortable chair. Dr. Marshall took a seat opposite her, her expression open and inviting.

"So, what brings you here today?" Dr. Marshall began, her voice soothing and calm.

Brittney took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her sweater. "I... I need to confess something.”

“Well, this is a good place for it since I’m bound by confidentiality. I violate that and my practice ends,” Dr. Marshall said with a wink.

“I've been unfaithful to my husband,” Brittney blurted out, astonished at the sound of her voice.

“Multiple times,” she added as her voice cracked.

Dr. Marshall said nothing but nodded, her expression sympathetic but non-judgmental. "Thank you for sharing that with me, Brittney. I can see this is weighing heavily on you. What prompted you to come forward now?"

"I can't live with the guilt anymore," Brittney said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I feel like I've lost my way, and I don't know how to find my way back. I want to be a better person, a better wife, but I feel so far from God and from who I used to be."

Dr. Marshall leaned forward slightly, her eyes full of compassion. "It's good that you're seeking help, Brittney. The first step to healing is acknowledging our mistakes. Have you spoken to anyone else about this? Your husband, perhaps?"

Brittney shook her head. "No, I couldn't. I was too scared. But I need guidance. I want to find my way back to God, to regain my faith and repair my marriage, if that's even possible."

Dr. Marshall smiled gently. "Faith can be a powerful source of comfort and strength, especially in times of personal turmoil. I recommend you start by spending some time in meditation each day. Prayer if you like. And since you’re a Christian, you could read scripture.”

Brittney felt a jarring at the word “Christian” being used to describe her.

“I’m not sure I’m a Christian anymore. I have so much doubt and I’ve given in to so much.”

“I see,” said Dr. Marshall.

Brittney wondered about Dr. Marshall’s religion but didn’t ask.

“It doesn’t have to be religious. Sometimes being spiritually in touch with ourselves allows us to heal and made positive changes in our lives. I’m thirsty. Would you like a glass of water?”

Brittney nodded as Dr. Marshall rose and went back to the lobby for a couple of glasses.

As Brittney took the glass, she said, “This should probably be wine. Maybe then all of this wouldn’t be so hard.”

Dr. Marshall laughed. “Wine’s not out of the question but let’s enjoy some cool water today.”

Their eyes met and they smiled. Brittney felt her defenses melt and she felt safe in knowing that someone trustworthy knew her failures.

“My first affair was with a man named David, someone I met at a medical conference. Then with another man named John during a night out with a coworker." Brittney blushed. Dr. Marshall must think she’s crazy blurting out more details unasked.

Dr. Marshall was unphased and just held a compassionate look on her face as she listened. “Brittney, you can tell me anything you wish during our times together. If you want to meet again that is.”

“Yes, I do want another session,” Brittney said quickly.

“Is this time good for you? We could meet at the same time next week if you like,” Dr. Marshall said picking up her phone.

“Yes,” said Brittney.

Before you go, I feel I’m professionally obligated to ask a few questions. I hope you don’t think I’m prying but only looking out for your wellbeing?”

Brittney looked up at Dr. Marshall, knowing what she was going to ask.

Looking Brittney directly in the eyes, Dr. Marshall asked, “During your time with the two men, did you use protection?

“Yes mam,” Brittney said, suddenly feeling like a child.

Dr. Marshall simply nodded slightly and paused.

“Well, my first time with David, I didn’t. It was so unexpected.” Brittney whispered, feeling her neck turn warm with a blush.

“Please make an appointment to get tested. The health department or your doctor can do this but it might be awkward if you and your husband use the same doctor.

Brittney nodded sheepishly in agreement and the session was over.

Over the next few weeks, Brittney took Dr. Marshall's advice to heart. Each morning, she rose early, finding a quiet corner in her home to meditate. She even read some scripture and tried to pray but it felt silly to her now.

At first, the words felt foreign, her mind struggling to find the connection she once had with her faith. But gradually, she began to feel a sense of peace during these moments of meditation.

Despite this newfound sense of calm, a lingering doubt gnawed at her. Her faith, once a vibrant part of her life, now felt like a distant memory. She couldn't shake the fear that she had strayed too far to ever return.

Finally, after four days of following her morning ritual, Brittney ended her meditation time by texting three words to David.

“Can we meet?”