my love

This was written to me by my husband of 17 yrs. I am posting this with his permission.


I was sitting at home
wondering if I'd always be alone  
I was feeling lonely and sad
then I read this add
it was from a girl who seemed lonely too  
and at that moment I knew what I had to do  
I thought I would give it a shot
so I answered it a lot
then I sat by my phone to wait
and to my surprise she called  to setup a date
i counted down the days till we could meet
i prayed to god I could sweep her off her feet  
when I saw her for the first time  I didn't know what to say  
because her pure beauty took my breath away
we went out we talked we ate  
It was a perfect first date  
I took her home we shook hands  
deep inside I hoped we could make future  plans
that proved to be the greatest night of my life  
because not long after that night she became my wife  
february third 1995  
that day  is the reason I'm still alive
I don't know when things started to turn bad  
why couldn't I see that she was the best thing I ever had GOD DAMNIT
how could I hurt her so bad and take her love for granted  GOD DAMNIT
why couldnt I see that she
was already everything I wanted her to be
I know I was just a stupid kid
but  that's no excuse for the things I did
I pushed her away I ignored her cries
and eventually this drove her to seek out other guys
my heart was broke my world  she shattered
but she just wanted love and not to be battered
but I shut my heart down and  I threw up a wall  
and told myself nothing matterd at all  
so I spent 10 years telling her I didn't love her
and I didn't care and yet through all this she still stayed there
I  called her names I beat her down  
and she still stuck around  
I  acted like I didn't give a crap when she would cry  
so once again I shoved her  into the arms of another guy  
the 1 thing that I was afraid of more than anything else
I ended up  doing to myself  
I deserve everything that's happened to me
I wish it hadn't taken this for me to see  
how much you truly mean to me-  so sorry