In Search for Divine Favour

Dear Diary,

Today, I find myself questioning the beliefs I once held dear. I used to think that being good was all that mattered, that it would bring me divine favor. But now, I see no reward for my goodness. My friendships have crumbled, and my kindness, it seems, has only been used against me.

Growing up, I was always told, "You have no mother or father here, consider them to be your books." So, I studied hard, day and night, believing that prosperity would follow. But now, I ask, where is that job that would provide for my family, that would put food on our table?

They said, "Abstain till marriage, and you will have a happy marriage." But Venus, do you not see me? Am I unworthy? Where is the loving husband who doesn't abandon his ailing children, who doesn't squander the little money we have?

Which god do I cry out to now? The one for prosperity, love, and health? Which one? Did I not live by their rules? They all seem like dead gods in my life now.

Yours,
An anguishing mother, wife, and friend