“No One Can Love Me” She Whispered To The Silence

I write to tear her name from my head  
to hammer out a cliche with a near empty  
ball point pen that I scratch too hard onto    
virgin paper while drinking liquid  
courage  
   
use both as a mechanism to nail me here  
prevent me running the streets  
lowing at the moon    
picking daisies  
plucking petals with    
she loves me  
she loves me not  
echoing off cracked concrete  
   
her make-up was always done to perfection    
she said it was to disguise herself from    
the devil when he came looking  
ready to spit bombs from her grenade launcher mouth  
shielded by her kevlar coated heart  
 
she could spin lies and beauty from her teeth  
to make a man commit sepuku  
then crawl through his own guts to kiss her toes  
I held her in the darkest places  
of discordant nightmares  
while she wailed at the ceiling  
all heat and    
sordid decimation    
 
I pay to be with her  
would pay to be with her  
with every item I own    
my body sweats and I shake    
as if I’m battling barbiturate addictions  
   
I held her while she stared at  
her twisted sister in the mirror    
the wild woman who vowed to carve her name  
into the sun so men go blind trying to stare  
at her ass  
   
she sees only the ugliness  
I try to make her stay  
try to show her love    
try to fuck her sane    
   
it’s all a futile embrace    
a poignant reflection  
of rippling water beneath a blood red moon  
   
first she was captivating  
and now all I taste is    
the acrid burn of too much alcohol  
   
there’s an after-image-feeling  
of  empty void  
crippling my tongue  
though I tired to put it right
she still flows through my veins  
like loneliness  

“No one can love me” she whispered to the silence  
 
“because you wouldn’t let me”
I whisper to the dim light
the paper tears
her name etched in
invisible ink