Home Tooled

Without sounding...How should I put this? I think you are addicted to    
Cheetos. It became noticeable when I saw you and your grandpa blowing    
orange dust up your noses. You said that you were having a snack break    
while shining your Harley. Why didn't you put a shine on your mom's    
Kawasaki?      
   
There is something in the orange coloring. It goes along with the urge to    
castrate yourself. Don't you think it peculiar that you named fido, Barry    
Manilow. Who told you that Cheetos were anatomically correct? The same    
can be said for a can of sardines.        
   
Your mom worked overtime to put you through "carwash school" and this is    
the respect you give her. She gave up her tattoo savings to get you a    
Homer Simpson doll that wet its nappies.        
   
Oh, you did! Did it hurt? You ordered a Prosthesis cock from Walmart!    
How are you going to make babies? Playdough doesn't work.    
   
I never heard of Cheetos Anonymous. Sounds like a cult to me. What do you    
mean, that it's a chat room on a porn site? Do you mean to tell me that it's    
the food of the transgendered? Gluten-free! Chat rooms are for the mentally
disturbed. Get your nose out of the food processor!  
   
There is no nutritional value in stupid or listening to Snoop Dogg rap    
backward. Your mom is so pissed that she slapped a picture of Gomer Pyle.