after the rebellion

cultivated pain you left me no choice  
you threaten and blackmail me with homelessness  
after you fleece me of my money  
my rent paid you tell me off  
do you remember the scared little face  
I took pity on when no one wanted you really?  
 
you were faced with a group home and your voice shook  
I took you in and paid your bills  
stood in the way of people who wanted to put you away again  
I showed you real love and affection  
yes I was depressed but I gave you what I had  
 
denying my need for the six God said I would not get them back  
I gave you a place to stay  
I've been alone, cold, and homeless  
how dare you and shame on you for thinking I will let you rob me  
culpable for the poison given me  
the lies you told to throw me abused in the nut ward  
 
since 2008 and they tied me down and forced me to take a shot  
of brain damaging drugs a FDA approved drug the Japanese hid the results  
no one warned me they treated me like a criminal  
the men and women on the ward afraid of me  
I don't know why  
 
telling the Doctor I was homeless your wife with no eviction  
told them take her off methadone she can't afford it  
you just wanted your whores back then  
I would feel guilty but I only have secondhand info  
from someone  
he told everyone who will listen how much he hates you  
now thinking you will keep your word he carries your banner  
you have a lot of mouths to feed  
a lot of mouths to keep shut  
lies upon lies and false promises  
 
after thirteen years coming off  of it cold  
do you know that could have killed me?  
thrown every medical restraint in the book  
all to sedate me your plan failed  
and my daughter took me in  
the reason I'm here today is you had to come visit  
and witnessed young guys interested in me  
 
you should have seen your face  
and none of them even had a chance  
because I was deeply in love with you  
I wasn't interested in them  
but you can't help but to covet everyone  
you didn't really want me but you didn't want anyone else to have me  
 
so you retrieved me from my daughter's  
and I came back to you because at my age poverty had become daunting  
and I still deeply loved you  
and set aside what you did because I have come to deeply believe in you  
what your son said about you bringing random hoes to the house  
while your mother was on vacation and while I was with my family  
it really hurt thinking you wanted to ditch me  
 
I still love you and have grown up since then  
I recognize my power even if you don't I'm learning to control it  
standing up to adversity is what my Father wanted especially from me  
the first time around he wanted me to lay Him out  
or at least try to because he said he was jealous and being a hypocrit  
he punked me for hesitating to lay him out he was faster and took me down  
Honey I have my memories of you back then  
I don't know if you remember me brother  
does anyone know how long I've been under this time?  
 
we were not close let's keep it at that  
the one thing I've learned from listening to the men and women  
my love for one being made them mad  
Our Father wouldn't have been so angry with me  
had I not provoked his jealousy by doing this  
 
I showed favoritism and love for one being  
and then wrong or right I didn't stand up for it  
brothers you have my confession Lu deserved better than that, you all did  
 
I have played out the nightmare of that day over and over  
I'm not sure what I would have accomplished if I stood up to the Father  
perhaps His I would have gained His respect  
and Lu would not still have doubts about my love of him  
 
I love you brothers with tears shining in my eyes  
I shed tears because I understand true love better  
 
I remember you each of you differently  
don't fault me too much I've come to cherish our time together  
a brotherhood of men and women  
we rode together through space and time  
 
Angels first, spreading their wings  
and learning to fly  
Welcome to 2024 I'm grateful we have survived  
 
the Father knew this day would come