Russian roulette

17 of 30


it's never been my immediate go-to
drowning my emotions in the contents of a bottle
not much point...
when it takes so little to knock me on my ass
& when I do...it's equal odds...
it might distance me from the haunting...
...or it could cause me to wallow
no way to be sure
still...
I load that weapon with a single shot
take my chances & spin the chamber
just on the off chance I might escape the pain
then reel off toward whichever death it leads me
if...even for a minute...there's any hope to be free...
in my opinion...it's worth the risk
to not hear his voice wrapping its fist around my reasoning
strangling any sense of clarity
& not relive the ache & fear that followed
2 years of fucking perfection
then this...crazy mess
if I can even momentarily forget...
...I'm on it
pass me the ammo & hand me a drink
send memory into blissful darkness
...but only as long as it takes
just until the gashes seal & scars fade
no witnesses here but my conscience
I'll take it from there...
...but...
...maybe tomorrow