My Heart Is A Bonfire

I voyage onward
Somewhere between the wreckage and the destination
Trying to decipher it all in the analytics of a fractured observation

Overshadowed by the light of days coinciding
The thunder of these moments, memories fighting
Trying to find my spotlight in the sun

Get me over my self
When the heart beat is heavy for ego driven reflections
In these broken record serenades of acceptance cravings for the damages of rejections

My thoughts betray me to heartache
Overdosing on overrated highs
There’s blood on my hands without any alibis

Guilt like salt, thirsty for attentions to compensate for my dissatisfaction
Choking on my voices retention
Melodramatic obsessions projection of overreaction

I think too much and you’re so quick to remind me what it is I lack
The universal messages of gunpoint eyes, held hostage by, what won’t cut me any slack

Cut me like a diamond conformed to the shape that you make of me
When what’s best is always a matter of what everyone else wants me to be

Weak willed is my defense when I am clothed by the nakedness of stains
When for all the pleasures of our secrets, it’s only regret that remains

Under-lying are my motives poisoned by the toxins of vainglory
Accomplishments to rubble in the debris of my anticlimactic life story

Musing like a vulture of contemplating a way
To reinvent the art of bleeding in the pseudo sacred things I say

Selling loss for comforts to bait affections against all that I hide
Cashing in on the absence for the significance I fake to fill the crater

When my world is under the fire of this self made hell of what’s inside
Brokenness as a way of life, I think I’ll get better later

Affliction, my addiction, lusts and comfort foods
Vulnerability of self exploitation of these words like verbal nudes

Learning to love in the shadows as an afterthought of family ties
Inadequacies indoctrinate me with emotions made of lies

Jealously yearning for what I’ll never have this side of heaven again
When love is conditioned by perceptions of what I feel I must earn
Jumping through the hoops for a sense of self redemption
When pain is a lesson that I just can’t seem to learn

Comparison of the limelights that shine brighter than my own
I speak but if no one hears me, my voice is as good as silence, and self deprecation is my throne

Confessions of inverted narcissistic repose
Concealing selfishness in the act of how I want you to see me for the reality that no one knows

Weighing my worth by material milestones made of bread
Good performances are the only way I feel I’m seen
No one cares for your heart when your locked inside your head
Just another cog native to the dissonance of the machine
For cognitive spirals climbing mountains to live the temporal dream

Dates kept of hindsight love letters to the dead and better said intentions of desire
The message lost in the aftermath of it all when my heart is a bonfire

I can’t keep it straight, all the things I’m torn between
I fall apart like demolition in the recklessness of reoccurring kindling

Obsessions weaved together of common thread anxiety
Fake it till you make it as they say, as I act in my aim to authenticate
true piety

Bring substance out of the rant
For all the ways I can’t
When everything is broken
All but the empty fix of the ways I am well spoken…