Forgive?

 
I saw Hm again today, smiling, laughing.  
And for some reason, when I heard His laugh,  
I did not feel sick as I always do.  
Instead, I had the sudden urge to  
laugh, as well.  
But it was a simple chuckle,  
and my reasons for doing so are unknown.  
 
Every night, before I fall asleep,  
I've been reviewing through my mind;  
finding His face. I do as so because  
I am trying to search for the reason as to why  
He did the things He did to me.  
But every time His face begins to form,  
I cannot bare it any longer;  
I try to escape the vision, but He  
just stares at me, like He's trying  
to tell me something;  
 
But I can Never bare the sound of His voice.  
I cannot accept that He has changed  
Because I am blinded by the past, blinded  
with the memory He created.  
I want to forgive Him, but  
I have no idea why.  
 
I want Him to look into my eyes-  
though it would pain me-  
And see the darkness in my soul  
of which He created.  
I want Him to see the Pain,  
To see the damage that He caused.  
I want Him to look deeper,  
In the core of my Soul and find  
what He could never and will Never own:  
Happiness and a full Heart.  
 
I want Him to know that He  
did not destroy All of me,  
that I kept only one thing hidden.  
I want Him to know that although  
He destroyed my innocence-  
and what He thought He destroyed-  
He never found my happiness  
and my ability to Love.  
 
and you will never take those from me