Reverse Russian Roulette

Finally playing a real game with myself
Load the revolver
Five chambers loaded
One left blank
I spin the cylinder  
Point to my temple
Sweat rolling down my brows
My heart racing
The muscles in my fingers contract
Click
The odds with me
Symbolic of life but yet I never win
I spin again
I place the gun in my mouth this time
Feeling less nervous  
And more confident
Again I squeeze the trigger  
Click
The sound of the empty chamber  
Reverberates throughout my head
Echoing the emptiness I feel  
And a reminder of my life's failures
Of why I am at this point
I'm numb
How is this possible
I spin and spin and spin
I aim up from under the jaw
Angrily I squeeze
Click
Frustrated
Determined I squeeze again
The crackle and whistling of the ricocheting bullet
Pulsating throughout my head
My blood  
And my brain matter splattered on the ceiling
My body falls helplessly to the floor