can i see you?

hey! I know it's only been a week,    
can I call you though?    
I'm flying high right now, but I can feel the crash coming.    
     
yesterday was day three again,    
day three is the absolute worst.    
well, that is until you get to day five...    
     
you said you needed space for a few weeks to address some issues,    
was that just a ruse?    
were you hinting at coming back after your volatile season or hoping that would be my final push to go?    
     
I want to respect your wishes,    
so I won't call.    
but I feel like you could use it about as bad as me.    
     
I've been redlining for weeks now;    
my chest hurts, I hypersalivate, and I'm nauseous all the time.    
where are you? I'm scared.    
     
I noticed you flying last week,    
tried to nudge you safely down.    
did it work?    
     
I know you typically fall pretty hard,    
are you okay?    
how are you sleeping?    
     
are you sure I can't call you?    
I know you tend to stabilize for a little while after the fall;
you're almost there, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.    
     
can you help me please?    
I'm stuck on my next move.    
you told me to stay away, but my gut is telling me to run to.    
     
I'm worried,    
time is running out,    
will I go under when you come above?    
     
I've been floating through,    
but I see the edge,    
and the quiet is calling.    
     
I can feel it,    
singing my name,    
begging for sweet surrender.    
     
I don't want to embrace it,    
but I don't think I can stay up much longer.    
is this what you wanted?    
     
were you trying to break me?    
would you really rather I succumb to the darkness than believe in you?    
that. won't. work.    
     
I will stumble.    
but I will not fall.    
I will ride this spiral of doom.    
     
and I'll do it because I trust in you.    
you've only told me no,    
but actions speak louder than words, and your heart says yes.    
     
catch me before the fall,    
save me from myself,    
help me be more than "good on paper."   
     
"all the good times never die,  
can I see you?    
I really need to."