deepundergroundpoetry.com
Silent
The sea is silent, tonight. Of course
the sky is silent, still
stars beyond a cloudy smear. Yesterday
I saw a pinprick sailing by, too fast
for a plane, too steady
to be a shooting star — a true astro nauta.
Lyrical stars, searing heat, thinned
by cold distance, twisting rulers
and clocks. Cold
distance.
The mind is not such a quiet place.
It's machinations pin my body to the board of my bed, like —
a brimstone butterfly, pinned into its case,
a summer ghost dreaming
of poppy peppered wheat fields.
Occasional visitors stop and stare
at the dusty wings, set and mounted, stiff
on the board.
the sky is silent, still
stars beyond a cloudy smear. Yesterday
I saw a pinprick sailing by, too fast
for a plane, too steady
to be a shooting star — a true astro nauta.
Lyrical stars, searing heat, thinned
by cold distance, twisting rulers
and clocks. Cold
distance.
The mind is not such a quiet place.
It's machinations pin my body to the board of my bed, like —
a brimstone butterfly, pinned into its case,
a summer ghost dreaming
of poppy peppered wheat fields.
Occasional visitors stop and stare
at the dusty wings, set and mounted, stiff
on the board.
Published 8th Mar 2024
| Edited 9th Mar 2024
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9th Mar 2024 00:54am
I am gob smacked over this one. And that really surprises me, because I am an enjambment junkie. The majority of your enjambments do anything but provide an element of surprise to the reader of a surprise continuation ( except for the final couplet ( which is missing an 'a' )). And yet they work beautifully in this because they provide a space that mimics a pause in between thoughts. Which is exactly how the mind works in observatory situations such as this.
I see this night as cold and dark, being we're on the verge of a super new moon - perfect for gazing and spotting that which isn't pinned permanently to the backdrop of space.
I see this night as cold and dark, being we're on the verge of a super new moon - perfect for gazing and spotting that which isn't pinned permanently to the backdrop of space.
I am pleased that the enjambments had the effect that they did for you, because the structure of the poem was intended to pace the flow, allowing the reader time to think.
Very much like your words: “Spotting that which isn’t pinned permanently to the backdrop of space” :))
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment :)
Very much like your words: “Spotting that which isn’t pinned permanently to the backdrop of space” :))
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment :)
