Acceptance Unwelcome

Unlike others
inherently wrong
adorning facades  
obsession strong
 
Drinking early on
eleven years of age
when it began
building a cage
 
Locking myself in
becoming protection
excruciating discomfort  
craving isolation
 
Acutely intoxicated
always the goal
caring for nothing
lacking spirit and soul
 
Choosing to numb
malformed emotions
loss of affect
impossible solutions
 
Alcoholic by nature
often self-denied  
acceptance unwelcome
had I truly tried?
 
Desire to be well
sick not bad
spiritually destitute  
hope not to be had
 
Believing unworthy  
no earned respect
never good enough
what did I expect?