blind

can you see the shadows dancing joyously
around my body withdrawn so cautiously
round and round from sunset to sundown
they vulture inside me and i feel like ill drown
with a wicked pixies smile enticing insanity
inside the eyes of bloodshot stained vanity

cant you see that im rotting away inside
there's another presence invading and i just might abide
to the cruelty kissed with such a sweet face
disguised with arousal in an invisible trance
leaving me empty and hallow for death to decay
while the shadows consume me to join in the fray

can you see the illusion my grin has transmitted
retreating behind scars that i have inflicted
selfishly loving the misery of my violin
while debating on joining the voices within
and tasting the chaos enveloping my soul
convincing the trigger of my tainted pistol

cant you see im an ignorant scholar alone and confused
sick of spitting reason all the while tired and abused
why do the letters of my name no longer spell Courtney
its cause i lost all the passion that was once my identity
loathing the crack that's become my reflection
and the numbing addiction that is my only protection

can you see how miraculously we've all become insane
by ignoring the demon that's the source of our pain
so ill paint my face and isolate myself
with black glossed lips and deny any help
smoke a joint and pretend everything's sublime
cause a wound such as this doesn't heal over time