(12) Hopeless 11.27.23 @ 3:06am

Another day, getting high snorting dope.
Hopeless and fucking wreckless!
Life is something I don’t want to deal with.
Like the rest of us, I’m going through it.

I can’t take it anymore!
The pressure is killing my mental health.
The pressure is driving me insane!
My past haunts me in my everyday life.

I smile all the time, but my eyes tell another story.
Truth is, I’m tired of being a drug addict.
I’ve known for so long, thirteen years and counting.
It’s been on my mind, day and night.

I’ve been through so much;
I’ve had only one way to cope.
Nowadays, many others tend to criticize.
Taught myself how to get by, getting high all the time.

What was I supposed to do?
What would you do if you’re being abused & isolated?
By my lonesome throughout my childhood.
That’s one reason why I drank myself to death.

Something else had me snorting cocaine and crystal meth.
Encountering those face numbing moments, forgetting it all.
Even went to the extreme, when I turned to K2.
I hallucinated the gates of hell open up underneath me.

I’m back now, feeling like I dropped dead.
With nothing else left, I’m lurking on my block.
The realest will comprehend;
What it takes to survive this life.

Too late to regret my past sins.
When I think about it, all I do is grin.
Nothing I wouldn’t do for a shot off that dopamine.
To feel so fucking good, off course I wanted more of it.

The rush I would get from the chase.
For it to lead me to a the level of euphoria.
Now all I do is chase those memorable highs.
Whenever shit went wrong, I could conquer it with a toke.

I’ve come to the conclusion, this was meant to be.
Everybody’s either dead or they left;
It’s just me & a quarter ounce capsule.
I don’t worry about destroying my mental health.

I got bloodshot eyes and a clogged up nose.
It hit me, I need to get my life together.
Then again, I contemplate pursuing my demise.
I’m feeling worthless and hopeless.

Broken promises replays in my mind.
The wrong decisions lead me in the wrong direction.
Never knowing what lies ahead of me.
Ten toes down but I still feel like something’s missing.

I’m going in circles, losing my mind.
Fading away into tomorrow.
Today we dwell on our sorrows.
Eventually we’ll be free from all this.

Working hard to feel hope once again.
Letting you know, there’s always a way.
I may be hopeless but I’m not helpless.
Sobriety won’t come easy, it is what it is.