howling at the moon

 
long have been nights of late
once filled with sultry sounds
passionate whimpers & deep throated moans
it’s painful how silent they’ve suddenly grown
when evening falls & the house is still
I think of him...
my fingers unconsciously seeking his aura
not to possess, you understand
a lingering caress...
in simple remembrance
have you ever loved a ghost?
felt its essence sinking
...deeply...
within the well of your own
igniting hidden erogenous zones
your tongue thirstily lapping
imbibing...
what isn’t even there
inhaling...
and never getting any air
it aches
you’re lost
can’t even think
feeling your heartbeat in that molten place
where his spirit presses
with an overwhelming sense of thickening solidity
relentlessly tunneling
it was in such moments I settled myself
sprawled
in the reclining embrace of comfy chair
head tipped back
legs draped over padded arms
...spread wide...
hair wild
and with practiced touch
I would seek relief
holding steady at desperation’s apex
I’d circle & grind
the need in me controlling each rock & shift of my hips
shallow though pressure would rest
I could not allow any depth
being over-full
...for he was already present
filling me
beautifully
as I rode the high of temporary relief
until the internal howl would subside
but last night…
for the first time
control & tempo were all mine
as I deliberately sought that place
once deemed sacred space
I went alone
and in my own name
reclaimed what once was gifted
and I wonder if he felt it
...the haunting...
as the rapture devoured my breath
his name convulsively whispered
an amen
last word of the final invocation
a single bead descending upon my cheek
so full of memories I could taste them
channeling all my energy
...willfully...
into release
of my beloved ghost
and me