(4) Losing it (08/08/2022 @ 5:19pm)

I abused my first substance at twelve years old;
Killing cancer sticks since I was thirteen years old.
Drinking to get fucked up since I was fourteen years old;
Stashing cash money since I was fifteen years old.

These days, I’m very aware of my surroundings.
Tunnel vision overrides me as my heart’s pounding;
   She’s someone's daughter and it could be your lady.
This lifestyle cannot be lived by everyone, slim shady.

Don’t judge me for constantly getting drunk;
Three high percentage tall cans and a fat ol’ blunt.
Snorting cocaine while I’m on the phone for xanax.
Midnight strikes as I start to have a panic attack.

I can’t keep my steering wheel straight.
My motor cognitive gave out, I can’t contemplate;
A reason to live or even be awake.
Solitary confinement, I’m about to break.

Feeling so weak, I can’t hear myself think.
Killing my kidneys with every IPA I drink
Snorting eight balls by myself like it’s nothing.
Deep down, I wish I never touched a damn thing.

I’m not the type to have regrets.
When I’m high, all they see is a threat.
Nevertheless, I’m not the type to forget;
Who fucks with me even if I’m racking up debt.

Everybody knows I like to drink to get drunk.
Smoking loud as I hotbox my room with skunk.
Lately, I’m rolling all my problems into a blunt.
Living my life recklessly like it’s a fuckin’ stunt.

Living my life can be dangerous, but that’s me.
All I ever want in my life is to be & feel free.
I wasn’t born on this earth for you to like me.
I was brought here to cause you pain & misery.

You definitely heard me right!
From early morning to late at night.
I stay lit till I lose my eyesight.
I smoke till my chest starts to feel tight.

Fuck your curfew homebody, now pass me the blunt.
I’m flipping jars in my homies' car, smokin’ runtz.
Fed up trying to make money the legal way.
Fuck whatever it is you or society has to say.

Lately things don’t seem to be going right.
I don’t wait for shit, I’m always catching flight.
Consistently making dirty money with my AR.
You’ll go down if you try to find out where we are.

We’re resentful thugs with nothing to lose.
Sketchy alleyway felons drinking booze.
Corrupted deputies on the loose.
Narcotics trafficking, we never hit snooze.

I’ve been the black sheep since twelve years old
I cherish my narcotics as if they were gold.
Now I struggle with schizophrenic psychosis.
It’s starting to get to me, I feel weak and hopeless.

Sometimes I feel like a snake.
It takes a narcotic for me to awake.
I turn into another person.
My problems only worsens.