Defective

I want to know what it feels like to die!
I hate this feeling when im sick and so alive
It's like a dream I can't defy
where my memories prey and victimize
forgetting will just waste my time
because I keep wishing you from my mind
away from those beastly hands you treat
upon my wounded flesh they feast
like a glistening smile that I meet
within mid-gasp they capture me
And snarl each time I try to flee
And carress me before torturing
Like a child I am so weak
and surrender to your every need
In my memory I am silent and oblique
I craved those loathsome hands that feast
and held them each time they were asleep
and kissed the scabs that mimicked me

But time has reigned and poisoned me
A time which death is savoring
Those hands that drip now violently
From scabs I once was envying
Like a Child I smiled bright
As blood now glistened from the light
I gazed a shooting star one time
The day I wished you from my mind
But you still summon dreams like before
I'm just as paranoid and insecure
I missed those hands that caressed my sores
And guarded me from childish chores
I knew I could not bear life anymore
For I had nothing else to endure

I hate this feeling when i'm sick and so alive
How I worship memories I try to ignore
Forgetting has only wasted my time
And pain became the only thing I adored
And so I bled, like i've never bled before...