Lonely

I miss you, nothing else to say.
Siberia's the heating of my heart.
Why was it impossible to stay?
To give us a fresh new start.
I guess I have to stay alone.
Your place is always there.
In fact, my chest contains a stone,
its pulsations I can't bear.
I depend on myself now.
I drew my force from you.
I have to go on but how?
I really .... have no clue.
It's sad to be alone.
Feeling lonely burdens me.
We won't really have a home,
where will I even be?
I had a purpose and a dream.
Now the wind replaced it all.
I'm nowhere to be seen
the best is gone beyond the haul.
Success is vaguely scattered,
I am afraid, I should admit,
and if I've ever bothered
to believe, you've said it.
You didn't love me and I knew it.
I just hoped for the impossible.
Am I even noticeable? Prove it.
For now, I see I'm tossable.
I seek God, I meditate a lot.
My gratitude keeps me going.
Yet, without you it's not
like I'm alive or ever loving.
Abandonment is clenching
my belief in all my future.
I'm gullible after your quenching.
Will I be? I'm not sure.
I want to hug you cozily,
even if just while protecting you.
It was late then early,
then it was over before I knew.
I guess I have to face the facts.
I feel dissonance over instability.
When you owe, terms quickly elapse...
and people are known for hostility.
I want to lock myself in books.
Hide in studying and forget.
Living suggests probating looks...
so I can't just avoid my debts.
I will keep on emanating fire,
in hope of good contribution.
Fingers crossed for less dire
situations of due retribution.
I am scared of mishap and loss.
Without you all my perspective
is gone, but I'll bear this cross
until the trial is effective.
Goodbye now, until someday.
I'll be here, somewhat overdue.
I wish next time you would stay.
If not... I'd still dream of you.