death of a dad i never knew

mom called me to say  
you overdosed today  
in hopes you’d feel no pain  
i’m trying just to cope  
it is such a crying shame  
if it’s real or she’s lying i contemplate  
 
no longer dreams of what could’ve been  
morgue contacting me my fathers next of kin  
oh god why did the body have to be his  
discovering every secret sin festering within  
careening up from the dark deep below  
with unknown meaning comes a fatal blow between the crossroads and the undertow
do i have the might to know which way i’m supposed to go  
 
what did you become  
alone in your tattered tent  
my resentment has long since spent  
even though all of your sins were not atoned  
clutching down at the dirt that you called home  
fleeting feelings submerged with no self worth  
i just hope in the end it didn’t hurt  
 
where’d it all go wrong  
forsaken memories of all the things we didn’t do
now all that’s left for me to take  
is the burden of the shame and the blame  
that everyone placed on you  
suffering mourning and grieving in solitude  
the death of the dad i never knew  
but always wanted to