Drought

I was at a party yesterday, just a really normal party between friends, we were about 6 people. And I felt like I couldn't bear it. I felt like conversation sat to heavy on my chest to breath properly, I didn't really engage, I was just present. When I went to a quiet place and wrote some poetry to free my mind, I wondered wether this was normal - for me, it has never been. Sometimes it just seems so incredibly hard to maintain all these hard-work friendships and everything, sometimes I wish I could simply escape to an island and never talk to anybody again. Why is life like that? Will it ever change?