dreaming in melancholy fictions

Trigger warning: miscarriage


I can't fuck you  
without thinking about babies  
like the one in my belly  
that didn't make it  
to the end of the first trimester
 
And sometimes it's beautiful
to lose myself in you  
but every time I do  
I close my eyes to dream  
of pregnancy and children  
with no names  
 
And I know it's part of the grieving  
tangled up in the loss  
and I wish that I could escape it  
leave the pain behind  
and let you love me  
the way I deserve
unhaunted