Just right

I did the right thing
Again, just right
Not causing a stir
So mature, really growing
Listening to my feelings
And my needs, but taking
Into account theirs
All their many many needs
Honesty, kindness
Just right, but not righteous
So why am I nauseous
And exhausted
Goodness tugs at me
Grabs my shoulders
Pushes me up and down
I want to go down
Lower
All the way to the bottom
Screaming and tearing
Throwing a tantrum
Making a scene
Be obscene and aggressive and awful
I would love to be awful
While forgiveness rots