doldrums

 
gracious greed in a depressive state
stare at the emptiness, its impressive
seeking solace inside the sorrow
I regress myself to see what has me down
down deep I hate myself, I think

I try to change but it does no good
who am I fooling really/
a counterfeit me who's going to buy that
it doesn't work

so I am stuck here feeling moody
it's where I'm comfortable, in the deep end
sorrow is my friend
she never lets me down

I'm on good speaking terms with my negativity
it is second nature
I can pretend I'm okay
but I prefer the genuine article
it may be seamy but it's honesty

I could lecture myself
but I don't like the riot act
I rather let my thoughts throw tantrums
I can handle their raucous behavior

it's the doldrums I can't