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Parallel Passions and Forgotten Nightmares
- Parallel Passions and Forgotten Nightmares -
A relating of a dream that I had on the night of July 23, 2023.
When the dream began, I was back at my original home, in my old house back in my old home town... back out east again. No longer in the Midwest, where I actually live now. Except, in the dream, it began to change so that the more I was there... the more the house changed and became a castle. The castle, in many ways much like the house prior to my leaving it in actuality, fell into first disrepair and then ruin. It was tragic, to see it change like that... but the change was inevitable since my family had allowed it to fall into such a state, and once they allowed it to decay there was no going back from its' ultimate doom and ruination. In the dream, my grandmother was still alive and she was living in the castle. And I was there with a woman whom in my regular actual waking life... I do not know. But the woman was a kind of composite of many women I have known, and some women whom I have loved. The woman was a good deal younger than me, in her mid twenties or thereabouts at the very least. She had medium brown and curly hair, worn shoulder length. She also had hazel colored eyes, and pleasant features. She had as I would call them kind features. Smiling, looking content, and often happy in appearance. She had on a long green floral printed summer dress and a pair of flip flop sandals of a teal color. The woman and I, we were talking about trying to decide whether to fix up the old place or to instead buy our own house or rent an apartment somewhere else far away from there. Naturally, my grandmother tried her best to talk us into staying and fixing up the decaying castle which in waking reality had been a house. But, as soon as the power kept being shut off due to nonpayment and the bills becoming too high... for it was a sad fact that my grandmother was neglectful of her bills and in my actual life it came to pass that when she died, she left too many debts for my partner Zoey and I to ever possibly be able to pay, Which is, in fact, why in the end we had to leave the place and start over elsewhere. In the dream, the woman who it was clear was supposed to be the dream's version of Zoey... she and I both agreed it was time already to leave the old place and indeed start over someplace better. Unlike in reality, we did not wait for the time of my grandmother's death, and we left and got our own apartment elsewhere right away. Long before it could be said that the ship had fully sunk. The apartment we rented was beautiful, spacious, and located in a rather homey looking building off the road a ways from a long road that ran along a forest that was all up the side of a group of hills. To tell the truth, I have never seen this place in my life, yet it was fact that in this dream I knew it intimately and well. Every so often, my grandmother would call us up, and she would beg and plead with us to come back... and every time she did, we said no. Knowing she was only looking to use us and did not care if we had to live in horrible conditions with her to help her. She had other family, we reasoned, and there was of course my brother. They could surely help her! Thus it played out differently than in actuality. For in actuality we stayed to help her until her death, and that in truth made it harder for us in the long run to easily get a decent place to live. But in the dream, we took our chance early and were better off for it, at least at first. In the dream, we sat in the kitchen one day in our apartment, and we were discussing the future. Zoey was debating whether to work at a convenience store or Walmart, and I told her that Walmart was a good choice because it payed reliably and well. But that, if she was set on the convenience store... it would be alright in the meantime, but not good for the long haul. She seemed totally indecisive about this... and in the dream apparently someone I used to be with in the past had worked at Walmart because I told her that I had been with someone who had a job there and that because of that I knew they paid decently and were always willing to hire new employees even if they had little to no experience. Another difference from reality, since in reality... Zoey had been the one who worked in the past at Walmart... which made it easier for them to be hired by that place yet again. As was the decision they ultimately made in our actual life together. But in the dream, Zoey was of a mind to try the convenience store first, and I saw no harm in it so I gave her my blessing about this.
Then it was that we decided to go for a walk. We walked, down the road... and past the forest that ran on both sides of the road all about. Behind us in the far, far distance I could see the old ruined castle. It was a reminder of the life I had left behind and gladly. But also a reminder that once it had been lovely, and beautiful, before it was allowed to fall into ruin. That made me very sad. I thought about the awful times I had there there, as much as the good times, and I turned back to the road ahead of us and was of a mind to put the past behind me for good. Zoey led me on down the road... or up the road... it was hard to tell the precise direction we were walking in. For the road through the forest became wilder the more we walked on, and there were brambles and thick bushed and underbrush, and sharp thorn trees and all manner of obstacles to either side of the road. The sky grew dark and overcast, and gloomy. Whereas it had been a clear, bright and cheerful summer day only moments before. Ere long, we passed a place of some strangeness... for off the road to the right side was a ruined Greek or Roman style temple. Not at all something you would see in the United States of America! But there it was in the dream. Just as the castle was strangely not appropriate for the county we were living in, so too were those ruins bizarre to see. And there were shapes moving about the ruins... short and wispy, ghosts of some kind... a few of them were tall too, and all were pale gaunt, and cadaverous looking. Men, women, and children of an Elvish looking race of people. All oblivious to our presence, though I could swear that one or two had looked in my direction with some sort of recognition or at least acknowledgment that I was there. This unnerved me, and I said to Zoey that I wanted to go back home to our apartment. She said to me though in a cheerful manner: “Not just yet, honey! There is something I want you to see up ahead.” And she did bring me to a cave entrance at the very end of the road. It was set into the side of a great hill, and I saw gray brick walls on both sides of it that jut out from the hill itself. The walls were set into the earth, for the earth rose up on both sides of the road at the end, and the walls were build into it. Man made walls to further reinforce the natural walls thereabout. The hill loomed up monstrously before us, and all was as if cast in shadows. The cave was pitch black inside, and nothing could be seen within it. Zoey saw I was afraid, and took out a flashlight. “Don't worry! I've got this covered.” She said, and activated that flashlight so that the beam shone before us, illuminating the cave's interior. There was a tunnel at the far back of the cave, and Zoey led me deep into it. Ere long, we came to a place where water dripping was audible, and water dripped from the ceiling into a deep channel cut into the cavern floor. It was a kind of underground stream that ran there on one side of the tunnel, and in the distance there was what thus appeared to be several white orbs of light glowing. Like many eyes! I froze in my tracks, and pointed in that direction. Zoey did shine the flashlight to reveal that the glowing orbs of light were the eyes of odd looking scorpions that lurked about in the darkness ahead of us. The scorpions were made of metal and their glowing eyes were electronic in nature. Zoey said unto me: “This is very bad! We can't go further, not with the scorpions there. I know all about them, and we have to turn back right now. We can't let the things catch us!” And Zoey led me by the hand back through the cave, heading towards the entrance of it. As we did so, I could hear the loud clattering of the metal scorpions behind us, and I was deeply and very noticeably frightened by it. I could not say why I felt such fear, but there was something about the creatures that immediately instilled terror in my heart. As we left the cave, I said to Zoey that I thought it was best that she take the job at Walmart. It was as if I remembered in the dream that this is what we did in reality and that it was good for us in the long run. In the dream, she did not take that job though, and all around us there was shadows and darkness closing in. The metallic sound of the metal scorpions faded into the distance, but it was as if even the flashlight no longer served to illuminate the world as was around us in the forest that we were back in. We kept walking along that road, and we walked and we walked... and time ceased to have any meaning. I do not know what happened after that, for it was as vague and strange as a fleeing moment glimpsed from afar. The world shifted all around us, and as it did so there was a sense that I was being carried away elsewhere... as to another place and another time.
I was in a small white room decorated with all of my stuffed animals, toys, and belongings. There was a large comfortable bed in the room, my computer was on a desk and in front of it was a chair. On one of the walls hung a painting with a winter scene on it depicting a house in some woods with mountains in the distance and a frozen looking river in the middle of the landscape. A small boat sat at the end of a tiny path leading from the house's door. The scene looked familiar to me, as did the room. My clothes... all of them... were stacked neatly in containers near one wall of the room, and there was a closet nearby, as well as a tall dresser. There were two windows, but the blinds were activated on them and I could not see what was outside at all because of that. Only that it was late afternoon or around that time. I had no memory of the previous part of the dream, but it would all return to me when I awoke later on. But, odd as it sounds, at this point in my dream I could not recall what had happened leading up to this moment. It was as if I was living only in the moment, and that moment was all there was to know about. I heard some sounds and commotion from outside the room's only door, which had a clear crystal looking knob on it. There were voices, and I could hear children talking. Their voices sounded familiar to me, and in the dream I knew who those voices belonged to. One was a young girl named Jessica, who when last I saw her had been only ten years old. Except now, she sounded closer to twelve. Another was a teenage girl named Alyssa who had been thirteen or thereabouts when last I had seen her. She was now fifteen. Their brother Jason was with them, and his age corresponded roughly to that of Jessica's age. With the three were two other children whose voices I did not recognize. Another boy and another girl, by what the sounds of their voices could tell me. I opened the door to have a look for myself. Outside the door, I saw the very familiar interior of Zoey's mother's house. It was the upper floor... and, to the left, was the spare bedroom usually reserved for guests. Zoey's mother was ushering the children into the spare room and Zoey's sister was there helping to get things in order for the children to stay. When the two adults so saw me, Zoey's mother said: “Well, you're like a child yourself... so you can hang out with the kids this time! We're going out for a while.” And with that, Zoey's mother and sister left the house once all was in readiness in the guest room for the children, and I was left with the children. I thought to myself, in my mind, silently: “That is so typical of them! Volunteering me for something and not even asking me.” Then, the scene grew dark just like before as shadows closed in and darkness was all around me, weird. When the darkness lifted, I was back in the white room but now it was much larger and there was in the middle of the room a large round kitchen-style table. Several comfortable looking chairs were set up all around the table, and into the room came the children... who all sat down at that table to play games, to laugh, and to spend time together. I sat down at the table with them, and looked at each of those seated here with me. They looked nothing at all, like I remembered them looking! Their counterparts in actual non dreaming reality even had different... but similar sounding... names. To be fair to them, I shall only use their dream names in this writing of mine. Oddly enough, that was to me the easiest thing to accept though, the changed names. But the marked change in how they looked threw me big time... for, even in the dream's version of reality I knew they did not previously look like this at all. Their faces, were very much all still the same and looked as they should look, as my memory told me they did look... but that was the only way I was able to know who these children were. Everything else about them was altered from reality entirely, and I found it at first strange. Though the longer I was with them, I came to accept what I saw, and in the dream it seemed to me that the children always looked this way. Firstly... within the dream, all the children now had black hair and dark eyes. I could see their eyes were dark, but of an indeterminate color. Also, they all wore clothing closer to children's clothing from the Victorian era, and as odd as that might seem... as I sat at that table with them, it seemed entirely normal to me. Their skin color was the same as ever, their smiles as bright as usual. Except for Alyssa, who was always moodier than her siblings. But she was more beautiful somehow than I remembered her looking, and that is truly saying a great deal since I always found her to be a very beautiful girl. How I longed to make her laugh!
We got out some cards and began to play a game of Crazy Eights. In my teen years, I used to play that a lot with one of my cousins, and sometimes I would cheat... yes, you can cheat at Crazy Eights if... but only if you are very creative and inventive when it comes to mischief, and I always was, and still am. If truth be told! And soon, I felt at home with the children, as if I was their age again rather than one year from fifty as I am in my waking life. But even in the dream, I was my actual age... I merely felt in spirit as if I was younger. I was sitting next to the newcomer boy who honestly has no counterpart in reality as far as I know. Like everyone else, he had black hair. Short, worn in a neatly feminine bob cut style. His face was feminine, a bit on the pale side, and his manner was cheerful and enthusiastic. He wore a pair of silky looking black knee-length knicker pants with a white blouse with puffy sleeves tucked into it, and had a black velvet vest on over the blouse. He kept joking, and was pretty much acting like the life of the party. His twin sister sat across from him, next to Alyssa, and she giggled at all of the boy's jokes as did I. Another stranger was with us, a boy of around sixteen years of age... who had light blonde hair and soft brown eyes. I knew this was yet another version of Zoey, because the boy's facial features were a match for the Zoey I know and love from my waking life. Only, of course, the boy was much younger by a great deal! And so the stranger was no stranger to me at all. Zoey laughed and joked, making both Jason and all the other children laugh and smile. Other children were with us now too, I saw, and it was fast becoming quite the crowded table! The boy with the black bob hair, whose name I still did not at all know, and would never learn... him, I seemed to be very close with. I had my arm tightly around him, as a lover might, and he often nestled his head gently on my chest and sometimes he hopped up excitedly to give me a quick kiss. He was about twelve years old, but as shocking as it may sound, he behaved as much like an adult as one could imagine. To look at him, you would have taken him to be a girl, and I do honestly think that was what I found so appealing about him. I had a hand on his thigh, and we kept whispering together, saying some rather naughty things. Suddenly, his twin sister cried out from across the table: “So, what are you two talking about over there! Is it dirty stuff?” And the boy would sneer at his sister and reply: “Too dirty for your ears, sis!” And I saw that Alyssa was staring at me with a bit of a somber look on her face, and a slight hint of longing mixed in with that look. I saw shadows gathering all around her, and I wanted to part those shadows and bring light to her instead, but my heart told me it was impossible to do so. She asked me: “So... who do you think is the prettiest girl here?” Her voice, as it always did, sounded softly sweet but also slightly nervous and with more than a slight pinch of worry behind her words. And I wanted with all my heart to say: “You are, Alyssa! You always were, too.” But suddenly, Jessica teasingly said unto me: “Pick me! I am the fairest of them all.” Then, Jessica gripped my right thigh tightly with her hand and said in a loud tone of voice: “Come on, come on! Sit over here by me... we all know, you like girls better than boys.” I glanced over at the boy who had been my loving companion all through this playful occasion, and he smiled at me, winked, and said: “Go on! It's okay, I don't mind if you go play with Jessica for a while. I'll just focus on the game in the meantime.” And so I pulled my chair right up next to Jessica's chair, and she had the most mischievous grin on her face that a child could ever have. Oddly, unlike in reality she was not wearing glasses. Neither was Jason, which it had to be accepted was simply how the dream's version of reality was. Everything here was different as can be, even when certain things were the same. Jessica turned toward me, gazing up at me with a bit of a starstruck look in her eyes. She smiled broadly, and said whilst giggling: “Hi!” and then, she had a sip of some citrus soda, drinking it up through a colorful straw, before saying: “You might think that Alyssa is the prettiest, but we all know you think I'm the cutest.” I could not deny that, Jessica had an adorable way about her that was impossible not to love. I replied to her, saying: “You are the cutest, Jess! That's why you're so much fun to play with.” then, she giggled for a bit and blushed before exclaiming in her typically boisterously cheery way: “Then let's play, Kara! I want to play... right now. Come on, don't be bashful! Play with me! Play with me!” and she was tugging upon my right arm, with both of her hands.
I glanced over, at a television set that I noticed was playing nearby. It was showing a medieval fantasy themed comedy television show that I had always loved as a child, back in the 1980's. The old fun show was called Wizards and Warriors. I looked back at Jessica, smiled brightly, and said to her: “Okay, Jess! Why not... what game do you want to play, sweetie?” And she puckered her lips, making kissing noises, as she pointed to her lips. Then, she pulled me in close, and before I knew what was happening she and I were kissing each other passionately. Her hand was rubbing the back of my shaved head, and my hand was caressing her hair. I always thought she was cute, and I always knew she was also beautiful, but my eye had always been drawn to Alyssa, despite her penchant for melancholy. But suddenly, it was as if all the world did not matter, and the kiss I was experiencing with Jessica was all there was to life. She was, as our kiss ended, giggling and her tone had gone from mischievous to downright naughty... in what can only be termed a short span of time. “Oh wow!” she said, adding: “That was amazing! But Kara... come on, you can do better than that. Let's have another one!” Suddenly, we were kissing again, but this time the young girl's hands went to far... naughtier... places on me than they had before. And my hands were on her chest, and on her thighs, and I was rubbing her, caressing her, feeling her. I knew it was probably wrong, but she made it feel right... and all I kept thinking was: “Well, mentally we're probably the same age anyway! So, why not?” In the dream, unlike in reality, these children had no parents. They were like me, their families were gone and they... we... were all we had in the whole world. This was not reality, it was not exactly a fantasy either because it was depressing to consider the implications. It was more like an alternate reality in which things were simply different. Neither better nor worse, just different. And it seemed that in this dream's bizarre and slightly twisted alternate reality, age did not matter and children tended to be more mature and sexual-minded than perhaps they should otherwise have been. I was lost in the moment, and the moment was heating up fast. Jessica was undoing the drawstring of my pants... and I had already unbuttoned the front of her dress, so that my hands could caress her naked chest, my fingers playing with her nipples. She was breathing heavily, as was I, and we just kept on kissing over and over again as we played together in ways that children and adults are normally forbidden from. But nothing was forbidden here, and everything was permitted. Jessica giggled and the proceeded to stand up and pull out the chair from the table. She then bent herself over the seat of the chair, and let me feel her up. I pulled up her skirts, pulled down the white silken bloomers she was wearing as undergarments and thrust my erect manhood into her moist cleft which was promising me so much delight! I could feel every bit of this, even though it was a dream, and the pleasure of our lovemaking was intense. She was not a twelve year old girl, and I was not a forty nine year old adult. Age did not matter, and all we felt at that moment was pleasure. Everyone seated at the table paid no mind to the lusty games that Jessica and I were playing, and it was as if this was the most common and natural thing in all the world. Suddenly... Jessica became an adult, and I was squeezing her breasts whilst pushing in and out of her from behind. She was bent over the table now instead of the chair seat, and she was laughing and giggling but in that way grown women do when in the throes of passion, pleasure, and oncoming ecstasy. I had not aged at all, and no one seemed to notice that Jessica had become an adult all of a sudden. I pulled her hair a bit, not enough to hurt but enough instead to be playful. She seemed to enjoy that, and made sounds tot he effect that I knew she appreciated the rougher sort of play we were now engaging in. I felt myself at the last, ere long, reaching climax and the sticky warmth that I felt shooting into her made us both moan in satisfaction at the intensity of the experience. She giggled once more... she always loved to giggle very much... and ran to the bathroom down the hall in order to wash up. I went with her to clean up as well, and when we returned from doing that we were both properly dressed once again. Jessica was arranging her hair so it was not so messed up... and, as soon as we sat down at the table once more she was a little girl of twelve years of age once again. Smiling, making jokes, teasing and being silly. Yet... she kept on winking at me, and licking her lips every so often, so I knew that she was still having naughty thoughts.
I thought about the story of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, and could not help but realize that we were all lost children seated around this table. We had no families, no one to care for us, and we had all been taken in and allowed to stay in this house. I was the oldest, I was their Peter Pan, and yet a part of me it could be noticed had something of a pirate to it. The very antithesis of everything that Peter Pan is, was, or could be. And yet, he too always had something of a pirate to him, and the possibility of him going a bit dark and becoming that way was always there. Peter Pan had a dark side, to be sure! And even when you can see a bit of him in yourself or vice versa... the darkness is a part of it, always. This dream was a twisted one, to be truthful. It was as if I was still in the darkness of that cave, only it was the dark of the night time and the cave was this house and this room. Instead of metal scorpions, there were all manner of forbidden passions, unspeakable pleasures, and mad indulgences to be experienced. Zoey alone had a mind to abstain from those sort of games, though the rest of us lost children had no such compunctions about reveling in every kind of carnal activity and lustful... and sinful... sort of behavior. The table, after a while, bore witness to a perverse orgy... an insane bacchanalia that would have rivaled anything done in the days of ancient Rome at the height of its' cruelty and perversity. They say you cannot help what it is you dream about, and that is true. I was carried along by the dream, and it took me deeper and deeper into darkness. The waking world was far away, and I knew nothing of it whilst in the grip of this other world, this alternate reality that was growing more twisted by the moment. There was no evil here, for to call it evil would be to assume that any of us knew any better. In the dream's reality, we did not! This was all we knew, and we found delight in it. Outside the windows, there was no light and the wind was howling! There were sounds outside the door of the room, and some were frightening to hear. Wails and moans, and not of the pleasurable sort... screams and shrieks... and inhuman uttering in voices that were not human in how they sounded. The beating of hooves upon the wooden floors could be heard coming from downstairs, and the flapping of leathery wings could be heard outside. It seemed as if every kind of demon, devil, and dark spirit was gathering all around us, but just outside of our sight. Outside of the room we were gathered in, our only oasis in a desert of hellish insanity. I could hear names, words, and other things being chanted, and there was a black sort of magic to that chanting. Jessica threw her arms about me, and cried as she asked, frightened: “What is all that noise? What is all that noise! Is the Devil coming for us all? I don't want to go to Hell!” I caressed her hair, and smiled as I said to her: “Oh child, fear not! Some say I am the Devil, and I seek to harm no one... and no one has ever gone to Hell whilst in my arms. Whatever demonic force it actually is that lies outside of that door, we will simply not open the door to it, we will not allow it to enter this room. Think happy thoughts only! Everyone... think only of the happiest thoughts you can, the brightest and the cheeriest things you know of. Such thoughts will be as a bane to the darkness beyond. Such thoughts bring the light!” I kept on holding Jessica, and it so seemed ironic to me since I once went by that very same name myself. Back when I tried living only as a woman, exclusively, for countless years of my life. It never seemed quite right to me though, and ere long I decided to embrace a non-binary identity... and changed my name to Kara as my first step on that new path. Non-binary, free from having to be exclusively male or female... gender fluid and free to be whatever I want whenever I want. As my moods dictate and as my whims fancy. I was born intersex, so I can technically be whichever gender I choose. My male genitalia is fully functioning and without any sort of deformities. I possess all of a man's passions and all of a woman's emotions, and my beauty is oft somewhere in between male and female standards of such. I thought about all that as I held this dear other Jessica in my arms. Her counterpart in reality, I would have protected just as readily! The fact that at one time we shared the same name made me feel even more protective of her still. And that is saying a great deal indeed! We all got as far away from the door as we could... and the hoof noises grew louder and louder and something that I knew in my heart was horrible was lumbering on up the stairs. The boy with the bob haircut and his twin sister were screaming, and Zoey was trying to sing to cheer the mood.
Everyone was clearly frightened, and happy thoughts alone would not keep the horror that lurked out of our sight from coming hither to terrify us, or worse. “Do you know what it is?” Jason asked Zoey, to which no answer was forthcoming. Zoey merely shook his head, and said: “I just hope it is not coming to get us.” That was when I realized what the demonic force was. It was the same thing that was in a lot of my nightmares... night terrors actually... from when I was two years old to when I turned fourteen. At the last, when I was fourteen years old, it stopped because instead of trying to run from it in terror as I had always done before... I bravely confronted the horror and saw that it had my own face, though dark and rather twisted in various ways compared to my real face. I confronted it, and I accepted that it was a manifested form of my own dark side. The part of me that I was most afraid of, and most frightened of becoming. It was the thing I feared the most in all of my dreams, and now it was coming for myself and the children. I had to stop it, I had to confront it once again and send it away once more. Just as I had in that night when I was fourteen, so very, very long ago. “Jessica, honey, close your eyes.” I said to her, as the abomination drew closer and closer to the door of this room. She did as I bade her... and, she closed her eyes tightly at that. The door flung open and everyone screamed at the sight of what entered into the room. It appeared to everyone as something different, as a manifestation of their greatest fears. It easily sent all gathered to scurry about the room in frightened terror, for there was not any true escaping from the thing that was among us at last. To me it looked large, immensely tall, and shrouded in a black cloak that looked somewhat tattered and ragged. It was robed and cloaked, and monstrous in size and massive in proportions. Muscular and strong, bestial and horrid... with skin as black and night, covered in fur as like unto an animal, with claws as sharp as razors and fingers as long as the monster's hands were large. The tips of the fingers had no flesh on them, and the bones were elongated into unnaturally long claws. Claws that grew longer as the beast approached myself and Jessica. Even as the things size became all the more massive. Its' head at first glance appeared to be the skull of a ram with long curving horns, but the skull was only a helmet actually, a mask of sorts, and the true face of the beast was actually hidden within the shadows of the hood of the creature's tattered, ragged cloak... which could be seen between the jaws of that awful skeletal outer visage. The eyes of the skull mask were wide and yellow and did seem to glow with red fire like hot burning coals. I once had thought those were its' true eyes, and this its' true face, and this terrified me beyond reason. Sometimes... it took the form of a coal black buffalo demon with the same burning eyes. But this was its' preferred form, for it was capable of sowing more terror like this. Instead of looking into the mask's eyes, which would have instantly paralyzed me with fear, I looked into the folds of the hood, and therein I saw my own face looking back at me. Only, it had pale almost bluish skin, at odds with the black skin of the monster's illusion-crafted form. This form, it was no more real than the buffalo demon was, and my hidden dark side was wearing it like a costume. The pale, bluish version of me glared at me, but it was with my own eyes and so any hate it had within it was merely familiar to me instead of terrifying. The face was somewhat twisted, as it always was, a bit more sharp in the features, and a lot more predatory. Who has not had moments when they did hate themselves for whatever the reason? Such is only human, after all! And no matter how inhuman was the illusion, I knew that what lay beneath it was merely the part of me that I would prefer remain hidden for all of time, the darkest part, the part that could become evil had I chosen such a path in life. I felt pity for this thing, for this thing was me. The part of me that most needed that pity! I pushed Jessica back, and I rushed toward the horror before me, causing it to shrink backward away from me. “No! I will get you... I am going to get to...” it threatened, but that became a pained shriek as I strode towards it with more determination that ever before. “No!” I exclaimed. “No, not this time... this time, I am going to get you instead.” And I ran after it, even as it ran from me through all the rooms of the house. Jessica chased after me, and told me to be brave and to kick the monster's butt... as she put it. She filled me up with strength, and I felt a great light within me. That light terrified my darkest side, and it fled from it.
I knew what it truly wanted, the only thing that would make it go away. It wanted what I wanted... all it desired, when you get right down to it, was to be loved, and to not be alone. I pulled its' cloak away, and its' mask clattered to the floor. The illusion faded, its' cloven feet became human feet, and its' form was my own body only pale and bluish in color, and clothed all in loose black clothing. When I saw it like this one before, it was back when I had long hair. Now... it mirrored what I look like now, and so it had a shaved head instead of long hair. It's eyes glared at me hatefully, angrily, filled with rage. I looked like it wanted to tear me apart if it could, but it could not. Because it was me, and I was it. The closer I got to it, the more it began to have tears form in its' eyes, and when I wrapped my arms around it, that evil version of me began to cry and sob truly piteously. “I am going to get you!” I screamed in its' face, as angrily as I could, mimicking the evil thing's own tone of voice and threat of choice. It cried, and it was afraid of me. It melted into me, and became a part of me once again, burying itself deep within me and going back into the part of me where such things exist. We all have that same part of us, but we do not all have to confront it like this. However, I am not like other people. The demonic racket that could be heard previously stopped... and Jessica rushed into my arms. I knew every perverse, perverted, vile, and wicked thought that the evil side of me had within it for her, but I had the satisfaction of knowing it could not act unless I thus willed it to. She smiled at me brightly, and I felt content knowing the little girl was safe at last. Outside, it was storming and there was nothing to be seen beyond the windows of the house except for utter blackness. We were standing in the dining room downstairs, the mask of the evil side of me broken beneath our feet. I stomped on it to crush the mask further. It would not rule me, I swore, it would not possess me, that side of me. Jessica and I kissed once more, and it was much like a scene from some kind of dark fairy tale. Her breath was sweet, her perfume just as sweet to my sense of smell. Her sweetness banished the darkness from my heart, even though the dark of the night and of the storm was all around us. We walked into the living room and I reclined on the couch, holding that little girl in my arms tightly. She began to kiss me again, and began to undo the drawstring of my pants once more. Before much longer, her lips were upon my manhood, her mouth moving up and down on it as she licked and sucked and allowed her hands to rhythmically stroke the shaft of my cock. She only stopped for a moment, to say to me in her cheerful voice: “I thought you deserved a reward, for what you just did for me. Protecting me like that. I knew just the kind of reward you'd like, too!” And she did proceed to perform oral sex on me with all the skill and lusty artistry of a prostitute. Dark is not always evil, I mused silently to myself... and light is not always good. Wicked is not always bad, and pure is at times not always desirable. There was no black and white in this place, only shades of gray. Morality, at best, was up to individual interpretation. As the little girl's head bobbed up and down between my legs, I felt only satisfaction and pleasure, and could not imagine how anyone could say this was an evil thing. I turned my head to the left, for a moment, and saw a shape moving in the darkness. It looked like some kind of large animal, and was blood red in color. I felt a sudden fear filling up within me, as I noticed in the dim lamp light... for unlike in waking reality where we have of course modern electric lamps now, all the lights in the house were dimly lit old fashioned kerosene lamps... the animal was in shape and form like unto some kind of skinless wolf. Its' bloody meat and muscle tissue barely covering its' bones, as the creature did pad about on the living room floor, darting first this way and then that. It was, other than that, totally silent and made no sound. I closed my eyes, tried to concentrate only on Jessica whilst she sucked me off so skillfully that I knew orgasm was imminent. But then, a familiar woman's voice so said unto me: “Look at me!” and, I turned to see that instead of a skinless wolf there was a woman who was standing there, equally without skin as if she had been flayed alive. It was Camilla Flores, a woman I know well in my waking life. She who is the current living vessel for the dark goddess Lilith. She did say unto me: “We all have a dark side, Kara! Is this not part of yours?” and she chuckled a bit, and did walk over to sit on the reclining chair a ways off from the couch. Blood from her got all over that chair.
I felt myself climax as my orgasm shot into Jessica's mouth. She swallowed a good deal of it, letting some drip down from her mouth as she reached for some nearby napkins to wipe her lips off. I sat up, used some napkins to dry myself off between my legs, and put my underwear and pants back on fully. Then, I looked over at Camilla... at Lilith... and I said unto her: “No more or no less so, than that flayed body is a manifestation of your own dark side. You know, that blood is going to be tough getting out of the chair. Good thing I will not be the one to have to clean it!” Lilith's frightful visage grinned, and she said in reply to my words: “You can bury your darkness deep inside you, but we both know that no one can ever fully banish it entirely. The more ferociously you fight it, the more you become it. Denying it, only leads to splitting yourself off from part of yourself, and that is never a healthy thing to do. Best to accept all that you are, good and evil alike, warts and all. I did! And as you can see, it does wonders for me.” I said unto her in a mocking tone: “Oh, wonders indeed! Please tell you you did not actually in the waking world flay your own skin off. Because that is just sick, if you did!” She answered quickly: “Of course not! I am not crazy you know... this is merely how you are perceiving the nakedness of my spirit within the reality of this dream you are having. Believe me, how I am perceiving you is no more fair or pleasant for my eyes to look upon either.” I chuckled a bit and said in reply to that: “Let me guess! Pale skin, a bit bluish in tone perhaps... cloaked in shadows and darkness. Eyes as intense as coals. Trust me, I've seen it too... and I know how terrifying it looks.” She sighed, and said sadly: “And here I thought I was going to surprise you by telling you all about it. Looks like you've beaten me to the punch! So, are you having fun with your little playmate there? Her father would kill you for doing this, if you did it in the waking reality you know. Thankfully... a person's dreams are like the confession booth... sacred, but also sometimes quite profane.” I reminded Lilith: “But you forget! This is a different reality's version of her... in the reality this dream is drawing from, she is an orphan. So it is not the same Jessica, after all.” Lilith then laughed a bit and said with a heavy sigh: “That is quite the loophole! But a valid one, I will grant you that. Tell me Kara, if you met an orphan girl like this in the waking reality... would you let it get this far with her?” Jessica then shouted at Lilith, saying angrily: “Would you shut up already? Lady, I have no idea who or what you are... but you're bothering Kara and that is not very nice. Go away, and leave us alone!” to which Lilith said in almost a monotone: “Honestly, children these days are growing angrier and angrier. If you had any idea who you were talking to, little girl...” and I reminded Lilith at that point: “And you have forgotten whose dream you are invading, Lilith! Don't make me angry... you would not like what I can become in this place, if I got angry enough.” And Lilith rushed over and said to me cheerily: “Oh, I do know what you can become! Believe me... I know, all too well. And what, for the sake of love, you are capable of. The good, the evil, the fair and the fell alike. You know I love you, Kara... I always have, and I always will. I just wanted to check in with you, and make sure that you are on the right path in life is all. It has been too long since we've had the chance to talk in person like this. Too long, since I had a look inside your mind, either slumbering or waking. Quite the dark place here, tonight! The little darling seems to be the brightest thing here. But... at least you have found some tiny bit of light in all this darkness and shadow. That means you are not lost yet! Tell me one thing more, it is an easy enough thing to tell me... is it love, or lust, that you feel for this girl in this dream's reality?” I thought about that for a long moment, and then answered honestly: “Both of course! One cannot have a deep, romantic love without a healthy dose of pure lust to keep things interesting.” Lilith seemed quite pleased with that answer, but said unto me about it: “We are still very much alike, you and I, Kara. I do not know truly if that makes me feel more relieved or more frightened to notice. As the incarnation of death, I do not frighten easily either. I shall leave you to your dream, and hope it will go pleasantly from here. My own dream is ending and I must be awakening from it soon. We will meet again, as all living things meet me sooner or later.” She blew me a kiss and then stepped into the shadows and was gone. The sense of dread I always felt in her presence went away as soon as she herself had as thus departed.
Jessica then sat back on the couch... she had been standing and pacing nervously the whole time that I had been talking to Lilith and she to me. She motioned for me to sit next to her, patting the seat, and so I sat down, breathed more easily, and put an arm around her. She asked me tenderly: “Kara, do you truly love me just like you told the lady Death you did?” I kissed her lips, playfully at first then tenderly and at last passionately. After our kiss, I said unto her in answer: “These lips never lie, Jess. Whilst this may be forbidden for us to do, in the waking reality... here, nothing is forbidden and everything is permitted. Here, I can say unto you 'I love you!' and you can say it back to me, and we can do anything we want to. This is our never-land, and at least until it is time for me to wake up, we can enjoy it together.” The, she said a very strange thing to me: “What about when I wake up?” and I realized she was actually just as I had suspected all along: an alternate parallel Earth's version of the same girl that I know from my life in the waking world on this Earth. A girl from a reality where what we had going on in this dream was not forbidden at all, but entirely permitted. A reality in which the way of life during the Victorian age never ended, and which I was glimpsing through the dream that I was having. Even as she was likely catching a glimpse of my reality through her own dream. “Tell you what, Jess! When you wake up, remember all that we have shared together here in our combined dream. This dream, which is I realize both yours and mine alone! Not counting Lilith's intrusion for a moment there. Maybe you know me, or a variant of me at the very least, back in your world. If you do, then know that that version of me will love you with all its' heart even as at this moment I am loving you with all my heart. Do not let anyone keep us apart! Not your father or mother, or any one else either. Follow your heart, and since our love is permitted there let it blossom, let it rage, and let it envelop you. But above all! Waste no time, making it happen. Life is far too short, to let true love slip through your fingers.” Then, she winked at me and said: “That is who it is I'm sleeping next to right now, the other you from my own reality and my world. Maybe he is dreaming of your world's version of me even as we speak!” I found that thought highly likely and almost rather a bit amusing. This was not the first dream which took me to the threshold of a parallel world. Indeed, in some I even managed to cross over into the parallel reality itself for a brief span of time. We held each other's hands, and sat in the dim light of the kerosene lamps in the living room of that house, even as in that same house I was asleep in the actual waking reality, in the upstairs room with the white walls. I so felt a bit of sorrow and a certain degree of impending sadness as I realized that once I awoke, this girl... she would be back in her own world's waking reality, even as I would be drawn back to mine. And in at least my reality, we would be forbidden to even consider being together in such a way. “Will you think of me from time to time?” She asked me, almost reading my thoughts. I said unto her truthfully: “I will, but sometimes because of the way the laws are in my reality... I will feel a bit guilty for doing so.” She then said something to me that was truly profound. She said: “Any world where love is a crime must be a very sad and lonely, and terrible world to live in, indeed. No wonder you find mine so preferable!” I chuckled a bit, and remarked: “You are very wise, for a girl your age, Jess! The other me must have had the time to teach you a lot.” She smiled, and admitted: “Very much so! Everything of value that I know, I learned from you... the other you, I mean. My parents... well, I would rather not talk about them, if you don't mind.” I understood and nodded my head in the affirmative. In my own reality, her parents could be very hard on her, and her father in particular was not the most understanding of men when it comes to children. I half wondered if perhaps something tragic had befallen her parents in the other reality, the one in which Jessica and I were together as a couple. We kissed again, one last time, passionately, and I let myself be fully in the moment, thinking of nothing else. Yes, I realized... if the laws were different in my own waking reality, I would be with a girl like her in a heartbeat. There was no question, about that! And her eyes sparkled, in the dim light, drawing me into them as we kissed again and again. Until that sparkling was all I knew, even as the dream began to fade... giving way to daylight, and my eyes at last opening. It would be eleven o'clock in the morning, soon, and I so had to be up by then to start my day.
A relating of a dream that I had on the night of July 23, 2023.
When the dream began, I was back at my original home, in my old house back in my old home town... back out east again. No longer in the Midwest, where I actually live now. Except, in the dream, it began to change so that the more I was there... the more the house changed and became a castle. The castle, in many ways much like the house prior to my leaving it in actuality, fell into first disrepair and then ruin. It was tragic, to see it change like that... but the change was inevitable since my family had allowed it to fall into such a state, and once they allowed it to decay there was no going back from its' ultimate doom and ruination. In the dream, my grandmother was still alive and she was living in the castle. And I was there with a woman whom in my regular actual waking life... I do not know. But the woman was a kind of composite of many women I have known, and some women whom I have loved. The woman was a good deal younger than me, in her mid twenties or thereabouts at the very least. She had medium brown and curly hair, worn shoulder length. She also had hazel colored eyes, and pleasant features. She had as I would call them kind features. Smiling, looking content, and often happy in appearance. She had on a long green floral printed summer dress and a pair of flip flop sandals of a teal color. The woman and I, we were talking about trying to decide whether to fix up the old place or to instead buy our own house or rent an apartment somewhere else far away from there. Naturally, my grandmother tried her best to talk us into staying and fixing up the decaying castle which in waking reality had been a house. But, as soon as the power kept being shut off due to nonpayment and the bills becoming too high... for it was a sad fact that my grandmother was neglectful of her bills and in my actual life it came to pass that when she died, she left too many debts for my partner Zoey and I to ever possibly be able to pay, Which is, in fact, why in the end we had to leave the place and start over elsewhere. In the dream, the woman who it was clear was supposed to be the dream's version of Zoey... she and I both agreed it was time already to leave the old place and indeed start over someplace better. Unlike in reality, we did not wait for the time of my grandmother's death, and we left and got our own apartment elsewhere right away. Long before it could be said that the ship had fully sunk. The apartment we rented was beautiful, spacious, and located in a rather homey looking building off the road a ways from a long road that ran along a forest that was all up the side of a group of hills. To tell the truth, I have never seen this place in my life, yet it was fact that in this dream I knew it intimately and well. Every so often, my grandmother would call us up, and she would beg and plead with us to come back... and every time she did, we said no. Knowing she was only looking to use us and did not care if we had to live in horrible conditions with her to help her. She had other family, we reasoned, and there was of course my brother. They could surely help her! Thus it played out differently than in actuality. For in actuality we stayed to help her until her death, and that in truth made it harder for us in the long run to easily get a decent place to live. But in the dream, we took our chance early and were better off for it, at least at first. In the dream, we sat in the kitchen one day in our apartment, and we were discussing the future. Zoey was debating whether to work at a convenience store or Walmart, and I told her that Walmart was a good choice because it payed reliably and well. But that, if she was set on the convenience store... it would be alright in the meantime, but not good for the long haul. She seemed totally indecisive about this... and in the dream apparently someone I used to be with in the past had worked at Walmart because I told her that I had been with someone who had a job there and that because of that I knew they paid decently and were always willing to hire new employees even if they had little to no experience. Another difference from reality, since in reality... Zoey had been the one who worked in the past at Walmart... which made it easier for them to be hired by that place yet again. As was the decision they ultimately made in our actual life together. But in the dream, Zoey was of a mind to try the convenience store first, and I saw no harm in it so I gave her my blessing about this.
Then it was that we decided to go for a walk. We walked, down the road... and past the forest that ran on both sides of the road all about. Behind us in the far, far distance I could see the old ruined castle. It was a reminder of the life I had left behind and gladly. But also a reminder that once it had been lovely, and beautiful, before it was allowed to fall into ruin. That made me very sad. I thought about the awful times I had there there, as much as the good times, and I turned back to the road ahead of us and was of a mind to put the past behind me for good. Zoey led me on down the road... or up the road... it was hard to tell the precise direction we were walking in. For the road through the forest became wilder the more we walked on, and there were brambles and thick bushed and underbrush, and sharp thorn trees and all manner of obstacles to either side of the road. The sky grew dark and overcast, and gloomy. Whereas it had been a clear, bright and cheerful summer day only moments before. Ere long, we passed a place of some strangeness... for off the road to the right side was a ruined Greek or Roman style temple. Not at all something you would see in the United States of America! But there it was in the dream. Just as the castle was strangely not appropriate for the county we were living in, so too were those ruins bizarre to see. And there were shapes moving about the ruins... short and wispy, ghosts of some kind... a few of them were tall too, and all were pale gaunt, and cadaverous looking. Men, women, and children of an Elvish looking race of people. All oblivious to our presence, though I could swear that one or two had looked in my direction with some sort of recognition or at least acknowledgment that I was there. This unnerved me, and I said to Zoey that I wanted to go back home to our apartment. She said to me though in a cheerful manner: “Not just yet, honey! There is something I want you to see up ahead.” And she did bring me to a cave entrance at the very end of the road. It was set into the side of a great hill, and I saw gray brick walls on both sides of it that jut out from the hill itself. The walls were set into the earth, for the earth rose up on both sides of the road at the end, and the walls were build into it. Man made walls to further reinforce the natural walls thereabout. The hill loomed up monstrously before us, and all was as if cast in shadows. The cave was pitch black inside, and nothing could be seen within it. Zoey saw I was afraid, and took out a flashlight. “Don't worry! I've got this covered.” She said, and activated that flashlight so that the beam shone before us, illuminating the cave's interior. There was a tunnel at the far back of the cave, and Zoey led me deep into it. Ere long, we came to a place where water dripping was audible, and water dripped from the ceiling into a deep channel cut into the cavern floor. It was a kind of underground stream that ran there on one side of the tunnel, and in the distance there was what thus appeared to be several white orbs of light glowing. Like many eyes! I froze in my tracks, and pointed in that direction. Zoey did shine the flashlight to reveal that the glowing orbs of light were the eyes of odd looking scorpions that lurked about in the darkness ahead of us. The scorpions were made of metal and their glowing eyes were electronic in nature. Zoey said unto me: “This is very bad! We can't go further, not with the scorpions there. I know all about them, and we have to turn back right now. We can't let the things catch us!” And Zoey led me by the hand back through the cave, heading towards the entrance of it. As we did so, I could hear the loud clattering of the metal scorpions behind us, and I was deeply and very noticeably frightened by it. I could not say why I felt such fear, but there was something about the creatures that immediately instilled terror in my heart. As we left the cave, I said to Zoey that I thought it was best that she take the job at Walmart. It was as if I remembered in the dream that this is what we did in reality and that it was good for us in the long run. In the dream, she did not take that job though, and all around us there was shadows and darkness closing in. The metallic sound of the metal scorpions faded into the distance, but it was as if even the flashlight no longer served to illuminate the world as was around us in the forest that we were back in. We kept walking along that road, and we walked and we walked... and time ceased to have any meaning. I do not know what happened after that, for it was as vague and strange as a fleeing moment glimpsed from afar. The world shifted all around us, and as it did so there was a sense that I was being carried away elsewhere... as to another place and another time.
I was in a small white room decorated with all of my stuffed animals, toys, and belongings. There was a large comfortable bed in the room, my computer was on a desk and in front of it was a chair. On one of the walls hung a painting with a winter scene on it depicting a house in some woods with mountains in the distance and a frozen looking river in the middle of the landscape. A small boat sat at the end of a tiny path leading from the house's door. The scene looked familiar to me, as did the room. My clothes... all of them... were stacked neatly in containers near one wall of the room, and there was a closet nearby, as well as a tall dresser. There were two windows, but the blinds were activated on them and I could not see what was outside at all because of that. Only that it was late afternoon or around that time. I had no memory of the previous part of the dream, but it would all return to me when I awoke later on. But, odd as it sounds, at this point in my dream I could not recall what had happened leading up to this moment. It was as if I was living only in the moment, and that moment was all there was to know about. I heard some sounds and commotion from outside the room's only door, which had a clear crystal looking knob on it. There were voices, and I could hear children talking. Their voices sounded familiar to me, and in the dream I knew who those voices belonged to. One was a young girl named Jessica, who when last I saw her had been only ten years old. Except now, she sounded closer to twelve. Another was a teenage girl named Alyssa who had been thirteen or thereabouts when last I had seen her. She was now fifteen. Their brother Jason was with them, and his age corresponded roughly to that of Jessica's age. With the three were two other children whose voices I did not recognize. Another boy and another girl, by what the sounds of their voices could tell me. I opened the door to have a look for myself. Outside the door, I saw the very familiar interior of Zoey's mother's house. It was the upper floor... and, to the left, was the spare bedroom usually reserved for guests. Zoey's mother was ushering the children into the spare room and Zoey's sister was there helping to get things in order for the children to stay. When the two adults so saw me, Zoey's mother said: “Well, you're like a child yourself... so you can hang out with the kids this time! We're going out for a while.” And with that, Zoey's mother and sister left the house once all was in readiness in the guest room for the children, and I was left with the children. I thought to myself, in my mind, silently: “That is so typical of them! Volunteering me for something and not even asking me.” Then, the scene grew dark just like before as shadows closed in and darkness was all around me, weird. When the darkness lifted, I was back in the white room but now it was much larger and there was in the middle of the room a large round kitchen-style table. Several comfortable looking chairs were set up all around the table, and into the room came the children... who all sat down at that table to play games, to laugh, and to spend time together. I sat down at the table with them, and looked at each of those seated here with me. They looked nothing at all, like I remembered them looking! Their counterparts in actual non dreaming reality even had different... but similar sounding... names. To be fair to them, I shall only use their dream names in this writing of mine. Oddly enough, that was to me the easiest thing to accept though, the changed names. But the marked change in how they looked threw me big time... for, even in the dream's version of reality I knew they did not previously look like this at all. Their faces, were very much all still the same and looked as they should look, as my memory told me they did look... but that was the only way I was able to know who these children were. Everything else about them was altered from reality entirely, and I found it at first strange. Though the longer I was with them, I came to accept what I saw, and in the dream it seemed to me that the children always looked this way. Firstly... within the dream, all the children now had black hair and dark eyes. I could see their eyes were dark, but of an indeterminate color. Also, they all wore clothing closer to children's clothing from the Victorian era, and as odd as that might seem... as I sat at that table with them, it seemed entirely normal to me. Their skin color was the same as ever, their smiles as bright as usual. Except for Alyssa, who was always moodier than her siblings. But she was more beautiful somehow than I remembered her looking, and that is truly saying a great deal since I always found her to be a very beautiful girl. How I longed to make her laugh!
We got out some cards and began to play a game of Crazy Eights. In my teen years, I used to play that a lot with one of my cousins, and sometimes I would cheat... yes, you can cheat at Crazy Eights if... but only if you are very creative and inventive when it comes to mischief, and I always was, and still am. If truth be told! And soon, I felt at home with the children, as if I was their age again rather than one year from fifty as I am in my waking life. But even in the dream, I was my actual age... I merely felt in spirit as if I was younger. I was sitting next to the newcomer boy who honestly has no counterpart in reality as far as I know. Like everyone else, he had black hair. Short, worn in a neatly feminine bob cut style. His face was feminine, a bit on the pale side, and his manner was cheerful and enthusiastic. He wore a pair of silky looking black knee-length knicker pants with a white blouse with puffy sleeves tucked into it, and had a black velvet vest on over the blouse. He kept joking, and was pretty much acting like the life of the party. His twin sister sat across from him, next to Alyssa, and she giggled at all of the boy's jokes as did I. Another stranger was with us, a boy of around sixteen years of age... who had light blonde hair and soft brown eyes. I knew this was yet another version of Zoey, because the boy's facial features were a match for the Zoey I know and love from my waking life. Only, of course, the boy was much younger by a great deal! And so the stranger was no stranger to me at all. Zoey laughed and joked, making both Jason and all the other children laugh and smile. Other children were with us now too, I saw, and it was fast becoming quite the crowded table! The boy with the black bob hair, whose name I still did not at all know, and would never learn... him, I seemed to be very close with. I had my arm tightly around him, as a lover might, and he often nestled his head gently on my chest and sometimes he hopped up excitedly to give me a quick kiss. He was about twelve years old, but as shocking as it may sound, he behaved as much like an adult as one could imagine. To look at him, you would have taken him to be a girl, and I do honestly think that was what I found so appealing about him. I had a hand on his thigh, and we kept whispering together, saying some rather naughty things. Suddenly, his twin sister cried out from across the table: “So, what are you two talking about over there! Is it dirty stuff?” And the boy would sneer at his sister and reply: “Too dirty for your ears, sis!” And I saw that Alyssa was staring at me with a bit of a somber look on her face, and a slight hint of longing mixed in with that look. I saw shadows gathering all around her, and I wanted to part those shadows and bring light to her instead, but my heart told me it was impossible to do so. She asked me: “So... who do you think is the prettiest girl here?” Her voice, as it always did, sounded softly sweet but also slightly nervous and with more than a slight pinch of worry behind her words. And I wanted with all my heart to say: “You are, Alyssa! You always were, too.” But suddenly, Jessica teasingly said unto me: “Pick me! I am the fairest of them all.” Then, Jessica gripped my right thigh tightly with her hand and said in a loud tone of voice: “Come on, come on! Sit over here by me... we all know, you like girls better than boys.” I glanced over at the boy who had been my loving companion all through this playful occasion, and he smiled at me, winked, and said: “Go on! It's okay, I don't mind if you go play with Jessica for a while. I'll just focus on the game in the meantime.” And so I pulled my chair right up next to Jessica's chair, and she had the most mischievous grin on her face that a child could ever have. Oddly, unlike in reality she was not wearing glasses. Neither was Jason, which it had to be accepted was simply how the dream's version of reality was. Everything here was different as can be, even when certain things were the same. Jessica turned toward me, gazing up at me with a bit of a starstruck look in her eyes. She smiled broadly, and said whilst giggling: “Hi!” and then, she had a sip of some citrus soda, drinking it up through a colorful straw, before saying: “You might think that Alyssa is the prettiest, but we all know you think I'm the cutest.” I could not deny that, Jessica had an adorable way about her that was impossible not to love. I replied to her, saying: “You are the cutest, Jess! That's why you're so much fun to play with.” then, she giggled for a bit and blushed before exclaiming in her typically boisterously cheery way: “Then let's play, Kara! I want to play... right now. Come on, don't be bashful! Play with me! Play with me!” and she was tugging upon my right arm, with both of her hands.
I glanced over, at a television set that I noticed was playing nearby. It was showing a medieval fantasy themed comedy television show that I had always loved as a child, back in the 1980's. The old fun show was called Wizards and Warriors. I looked back at Jessica, smiled brightly, and said to her: “Okay, Jess! Why not... what game do you want to play, sweetie?” And she puckered her lips, making kissing noises, as she pointed to her lips. Then, she pulled me in close, and before I knew what was happening she and I were kissing each other passionately. Her hand was rubbing the back of my shaved head, and my hand was caressing her hair. I always thought she was cute, and I always knew she was also beautiful, but my eye had always been drawn to Alyssa, despite her penchant for melancholy. But suddenly, it was as if all the world did not matter, and the kiss I was experiencing with Jessica was all there was to life. She was, as our kiss ended, giggling and her tone had gone from mischievous to downright naughty... in what can only be termed a short span of time. “Oh wow!” she said, adding: “That was amazing! But Kara... come on, you can do better than that. Let's have another one!” Suddenly, we were kissing again, but this time the young girl's hands went to far... naughtier... places on me than they had before. And my hands were on her chest, and on her thighs, and I was rubbing her, caressing her, feeling her. I knew it was probably wrong, but she made it feel right... and all I kept thinking was: “Well, mentally we're probably the same age anyway! So, why not?” In the dream, unlike in reality, these children had no parents. They were like me, their families were gone and they... we... were all we had in the whole world. This was not reality, it was not exactly a fantasy either because it was depressing to consider the implications. It was more like an alternate reality in which things were simply different. Neither better nor worse, just different. And it seemed that in this dream's bizarre and slightly twisted alternate reality, age did not matter and children tended to be more mature and sexual-minded than perhaps they should otherwise have been. I was lost in the moment, and the moment was heating up fast. Jessica was undoing the drawstring of my pants... and I had already unbuttoned the front of her dress, so that my hands could caress her naked chest, my fingers playing with her nipples. She was breathing heavily, as was I, and we just kept on kissing over and over again as we played together in ways that children and adults are normally forbidden from. But nothing was forbidden here, and everything was permitted. Jessica giggled and the proceeded to stand up and pull out the chair from the table. She then bent herself over the seat of the chair, and let me feel her up. I pulled up her skirts, pulled down the white silken bloomers she was wearing as undergarments and thrust my erect manhood into her moist cleft which was promising me so much delight! I could feel every bit of this, even though it was a dream, and the pleasure of our lovemaking was intense. She was not a twelve year old girl, and I was not a forty nine year old adult. Age did not matter, and all we felt at that moment was pleasure. Everyone seated at the table paid no mind to the lusty games that Jessica and I were playing, and it was as if this was the most common and natural thing in all the world. Suddenly... Jessica became an adult, and I was squeezing her breasts whilst pushing in and out of her from behind. She was bent over the table now instead of the chair seat, and she was laughing and giggling but in that way grown women do when in the throes of passion, pleasure, and oncoming ecstasy. I had not aged at all, and no one seemed to notice that Jessica had become an adult all of a sudden. I pulled her hair a bit, not enough to hurt but enough instead to be playful. She seemed to enjoy that, and made sounds tot he effect that I knew she appreciated the rougher sort of play we were now engaging in. I felt myself at the last, ere long, reaching climax and the sticky warmth that I felt shooting into her made us both moan in satisfaction at the intensity of the experience. She giggled once more... she always loved to giggle very much... and ran to the bathroom down the hall in order to wash up. I went with her to clean up as well, and when we returned from doing that we were both properly dressed once again. Jessica was arranging her hair so it was not so messed up... and, as soon as we sat down at the table once more she was a little girl of twelve years of age once again. Smiling, making jokes, teasing and being silly. Yet... she kept on winking at me, and licking her lips every so often, so I knew that she was still having naughty thoughts.
I thought about the story of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, and could not help but realize that we were all lost children seated around this table. We had no families, no one to care for us, and we had all been taken in and allowed to stay in this house. I was the oldest, I was their Peter Pan, and yet a part of me it could be noticed had something of a pirate to it. The very antithesis of everything that Peter Pan is, was, or could be. And yet, he too always had something of a pirate to him, and the possibility of him going a bit dark and becoming that way was always there. Peter Pan had a dark side, to be sure! And even when you can see a bit of him in yourself or vice versa... the darkness is a part of it, always. This dream was a twisted one, to be truthful. It was as if I was still in the darkness of that cave, only it was the dark of the night time and the cave was this house and this room. Instead of metal scorpions, there were all manner of forbidden passions, unspeakable pleasures, and mad indulgences to be experienced. Zoey alone had a mind to abstain from those sort of games, though the rest of us lost children had no such compunctions about reveling in every kind of carnal activity and lustful... and sinful... sort of behavior. The table, after a while, bore witness to a perverse orgy... an insane bacchanalia that would have rivaled anything done in the days of ancient Rome at the height of its' cruelty and perversity. They say you cannot help what it is you dream about, and that is true. I was carried along by the dream, and it took me deeper and deeper into darkness. The waking world was far away, and I knew nothing of it whilst in the grip of this other world, this alternate reality that was growing more twisted by the moment. There was no evil here, for to call it evil would be to assume that any of us knew any better. In the dream's reality, we did not! This was all we knew, and we found delight in it. Outside the windows, there was no light and the wind was howling! There were sounds outside the door of the room, and some were frightening to hear. Wails and moans, and not of the pleasurable sort... screams and shrieks... and inhuman uttering in voices that were not human in how they sounded. The beating of hooves upon the wooden floors could be heard coming from downstairs, and the flapping of leathery wings could be heard outside. It seemed as if every kind of demon, devil, and dark spirit was gathering all around us, but just outside of our sight. Outside of the room we were gathered in, our only oasis in a desert of hellish insanity. I could hear names, words, and other things being chanted, and there was a black sort of magic to that chanting. Jessica threw her arms about me, and cried as she asked, frightened: “What is all that noise? What is all that noise! Is the Devil coming for us all? I don't want to go to Hell!” I caressed her hair, and smiled as I said to her: “Oh child, fear not! Some say I am the Devil, and I seek to harm no one... and no one has ever gone to Hell whilst in my arms. Whatever demonic force it actually is that lies outside of that door, we will simply not open the door to it, we will not allow it to enter this room. Think happy thoughts only! Everyone... think only of the happiest thoughts you can, the brightest and the cheeriest things you know of. Such thoughts will be as a bane to the darkness beyond. Such thoughts bring the light!” I kept on holding Jessica, and it so seemed ironic to me since I once went by that very same name myself. Back when I tried living only as a woman, exclusively, for countless years of my life. It never seemed quite right to me though, and ere long I decided to embrace a non-binary identity... and changed my name to Kara as my first step on that new path. Non-binary, free from having to be exclusively male or female... gender fluid and free to be whatever I want whenever I want. As my moods dictate and as my whims fancy. I was born intersex, so I can technically be whichever gender I choose. My male genitalia is fully functioning and without any sort of deformities. I possess all of a man's passions and all of a woman's emotions, and my beauty is oft somewhere in between male and female standards of such. I thought about all that as I held this dear other Jessica in my arms. Her counterpart in reality, I would have protected just as readily! The fact that at one time we shared the same name made me feel even more protective of her still. And that is saying a great deal indeed! We all got as far away from the door as we could... and the hoof noises grew louder and louder and something that I knew in my heart was horrible was lumbering on up the stairs. The boy with the bob haircut and his twin sister were screaming, and Zoey was trying to sing to cheer the mood.
Everyone was clearly frightened, and happy thoughts alone would not keep the horror that lurked out of our sight from coming hither to terrify us, or worse. “Do you know what it is?” Jason asked Zoey, to which no answer was forthcoming. Zoey merely shook his head, and said: “I just hope it is not coming to get us.” That was when I realized what the demonic force was. It was the same thing that was in a lot of my nightmares... night terrors actually... from when I was two years old to when I turned fourteen. At the last, when I was fourteen years old, it stopped because instead of trying to run from it in terror as I had always done before... I bravely confronted the horror and saw that it had my own face, though dark and rather twisted in various ways compared to my real face. I confronted it, and I accepted that it was a manifested form of my own dark side. The part of me that I was most afraid of, and most frightened of becoming. It was the thing I feared the most in all of my dreams, and now it was coming for myself and the children. I had to stop it, I had to confront it once again and send it away once more. Just as I had in that night when I was fourteen, so very, very long ago. “Jessica, honey, close your eyes.” I said to her, as the abomination drew closer and closer to the door of this room. She did as I bade her... and, she closed her eyes tightly at that. The door flung open and everyone screamed at the sight of what entered into the room. It appeared to everyone as something different, as a manifestation of their greatest fears. It easily sent all gathered to scurry about the room in frightened terror, for there was not any true escaping from the thing that was among us at last. To me it looked large, immensely tall, and shrouded in a black cloak that looked somewhat tattered and ragged. It was robed and cloaked, and monstrous in size and massive in proportions. Muscular and strong, bestial and horrid... with skin as black and night, covered in fur as like unto an animal, with claws as sharp as razors and fingers as long as the monster's hands were large. The tips of the fingers had no flesh on them, and the bones were elongated into unnaturally long claws. Claws that grew longer as the beast approached myself and Jessica. Even as the things size became all the more massive. Its' head at first glance appeared to be the skull of a ram with long curving horns, but the skull was only a helmet actually, a mask of sorts, and the true face of the beast was actually hidden within the shadows of the hood of the creature's tattered, ragged cloak... which could be seen between the jaws of that awful skeletal outer visage. The eyes of the skull mask were wide and yellow and did seem to glow with red fire like hot burning coals. I once had thought those were its' true eyes, and this its' true face, and this terrified me beyond reason. Sometimes... it took the form of a coal black buffalo demon with the same burning eyes. But this was its' preferred form, for it was capable of sowing more terror like this. Instead of looking into the mask's eyes, which would have instantly paralyzed me with fear, I looked into the folds of the hood, and therein I saw my own face looking back at me. Only, it had pale almost bluish skin, at odds with the black skin of the monster's illusion-crafted form. This form, it was no more real than the buffalo demon was, and my hidden dark side was wearing it like a costume. The pale, bluish version of me glared at me, but it was with my own eyes and so any hate it had within it was merely familiar to me instead of terrifying. The face was somewhat twisted, as it always was, a bit more sharp in the features, and a lot more predatory. Who has not had moments when they did hate themselves for whatever the reason? Such is only human, after all! And no matter how inhuman was the illusion, I knew that what lay beneath it was merely the part of me that I would prefer remain hidden for all of time, the darkest part, the part that could become evil had I chosen such a path in life. I felt pity for this thing, for this thing was me. The part of me that most needed that pity! I pushed Jessica back, and I rushed toward the horror before me, causing it to shrink backward away from me. “No! I will get you... I am going to get to...” it threatened, but that became a pained shriek as I strode towards it with more determination that ever before. “No!” I exclaimed. “No, not this time... this time, I am going to get you instead.” And I ran after it, even as it ran from me through all the rooms of the house. Jessica chased after me, and told me to be brave and to kick the monster's butt... as she put it. She filled me up with strength, and I felt a great light within me. That light terrified my darkest side, and it fled from it.
I knew what it truly wanted, the only thing that would make it go away. It wanted what I wanted... all it desired, when you get right down to it, was to be loved, and to not be alone. I pulled its' cloak away, and its' mask clattered to the floor. The illusion faded, its' cloven feet became human feet, and its' form was my own body only pale and bluish in color, and clothed all in loose black clothing. When I saw it like this one before, it was back when I had long hair. Now... it mirrored what I look like now, and so it had a shaved head instead of long hair. It's eyes glared at me hatefully, angrily, filled with rage. I looked like it wanted to tear me apart if it could, but it could not. Because it was me, and I was it. The closer I got to it, the more it began to have tears form in its' eyes, and when I wrapped my arms around it, that evil version of me began to cry and sob truly piteously. “I am going to get you!” I screamed in its' face, as angrily as I could, mimicking the evil thing's own tone of voice and threat of choice. It cried, and it was afraid of me. It melted into me, and became a part of me once again, burying itself deep within me and going back into the part of me where such things exist. We all have that same part of us, but we do not all have to confront it like this. However, I am not like other people. The demonic racket that could be heard previously stopped... and Jessica rushed into my arms. I knew every perverse, perverted, vile, and wicked thought that the evil side of me had within it for her, but I had the satisfaction of knowing it could not act unless I thus willed it to. She smiled at me brightly, and I felt content knowing the little girl was safe at last. Outside, it was storming and there was nothing to be seen beyond the windows of the house except for utter blackness. We were standing in the dining room downstairs, the mask of the evil side of me broken beneath our feet. I stomped on it to crush the mask further. It would not rule me, I swore, it would not possess me, that side of me. Jessica and I kissed once more, and it was much like a scene from some kind of dark fairy tale. Her breath was sweet, her perfume just as sweet to my sense of smell. Her sweetness banished the darkness from my heart, even though the dark of the night and of the storm was all around us. We walked into the living room and I reclined on the couch, holding that little girl in my arms tightly. She began to kiss me again, and began to undo the drawstring of my pants once more. Before much longer, her lips were upon my manhood, her mouth moving up and down on it as she licked and sucked and allowed her hands to rhythmically stroke the shaft of my cock. She only stopped for a moment, to say to me in her cheerful voice: “I thought you deserved a reward, for what you just did for me. Protecting me like that. I knew just the kind of reward you'd like, too!” And she did proceed to perform oral sex on me with all the skill and lusty artistry of a prostitute. Dark is not always evil, I mused silently to myself... and light is not always good. Wicked is not always bad, and pure is at times not always desirable. There was no black and white in this place, only shades of gray. Morality, at best, was up to individual interpretation. As the little girl's head bobbed up and down between my legs, I felt only satisfaction and pleasure, and could not imagine how anyone could say this was an evil thing. I turned my head to the left, for a moment, and saw a shape moving in the darkness. It looked like some kind of large animal, and was blood red in color. I felt a sudden fear filling up within me, as I noticed in the dim lamp light... for unlike in waking reality where we have of course modern electric lamps now, all the lights in the house were dimly lit old fashioned kerosene lamps... the animal was in shape and form like unto some kind of skinless wolf. Its' bloody meat and muscle tissue barely covering its' bones, as the creature did pad about on the living room floor, darting first this way and then that. It was, other than that, totally silent and made no sound. I closed my eyes, tried to concentrate only on Jessica whilst she sucked me off so skillfully that I knew orgasm was imminent. But then, a familiar woman's voice so said unto me: “Look at me!” and, I turned to see that instead of a skinless wolf there was a woman who was standing there, equally without skin as if she had been flayed alive. It was Camilla Flores, a woman I know well in my waking life. She who is the current living vessel for the dark goddess Lilith. She did say unto me: “We all have a dark side, Kara! Is this not part of yours?” and she chuckled a bit, and did walk over to sit on the reclining chair a ways off from the couch. Blood from her got all over that chair.
I felt myself climax as my orgasm shot into Jessica's mouth. She swallowed a good deal of it, letting some drip down from her mouth as she reached for some nearby napkins to wipe her lips off. I sat up, used some napkins to dry myself off between my legs, and put my underwear and pants back on fully. Then, I looked over at Camilla... at Lilith... and I said unto her: “No more or no less so, than that flayed body is a manifestation of your own dark side. You know, that blood is going to be tough getting out of the chair. Good thing I will not be the one to have to clean it!” Lilith's frightful visage grinned, and she said in reply to my words: “You can bury your darkness deep inside you, but we both know that no one can ever fully banish it entirely. The more ferociously you fight it, the more you become it. Denying it, only leads to splitting yourself off from part of yourself, and that is never a healthy thing to do. Best to accept all that you are, good and evil alike, warts and all. I did! And as you can see, it does wonders for me.” I said unto her in a mocking tone: “Oh, wonders indeed! Please tell you you did not actually in the waking world flay your own skin off. Because that is just sick, if you did!” She answered quickly: “Of course not! I am not crazy you know... this is merely how you are perceiving the nakedness of my spirit within the reality of this dream you are having. Believe me, how I am perceiving you is no more fair or pleasant for my eyes to look upon either.” I chuckled a bit and said in reply to that: “Let me guess! Pale skin, a bit bluish in tone perhaps... cloaked in shadows and darkness. Eyes as intense as coals. Trust me, I've seen it too... and I know how terrifying it looks.” She sighed, and said sadly: “And here I thought I was going to surprise you by telling you all about it. Looks like you've beaten me to the punch! So, are you having fun with your little playmate there? Her father would kill you for doing this, if you did it in the waking reality you know. Thankfully... a person's dreams are like the confession booth... sacred, but also sometimes quite profane.” I reminded Lilith: “But you forget! This is a different reality's version of her... in the reality this dream is drawing from, she is an orphan. So it is not the same Jessica, after all.” Lilith then laughed a bit and said with a heavy sigh: “That is quite the loophole! But a valid one, I will grant you that. Tell me Kara, if you met an orphan girl like this in the waking reality... would you let it get this far with her?” Jessica then shouted at Lilith, saying angrily: “Would you shut up already? Lady, I have no idea who or what you are... but you're bothering Kara and that is not very nice. Go away, and leave us alone!” to which Lilith said in almost a monotone: “Honestly, children these days are growing angrier and angrier. If you had any idea who you were talking to, little girl...” and I reminded Lilith at that point: “And you have forgotten whose dream you are invading, Lilith! Don't make me angry... you would not like what I can become in this place, if I got angry enough.” And Lilith rushed over and said to me cheerily: “Oh, I do know what you can become! Believe me... I know, all too well. And what, for the sake of love, you are capable of. The good, the evil, the fair and the fell alike. You know I love you, Kara... I always have, and I always will. I just wanted to check in with you, and make sure that you are on the right path in life is all. It has been too long since we've had the chance to talk in person like this. Too long, since I had a look inside your mind, either slumbering or waking. Quite the dark place here, tonight! The little darling seems to be the brightest thing here. But... at least you have found some tiny bit of light in all this darkness and shadow. That means you are not lost yet! Tell me one thing more, it is an easy enough thing to tell me... is it love, or lust, that you feel for this girl in this dream's reality?” I thought about that for a long moment, and then answered honestly: “Both of course! One cannot have a deep, romantic love without a healthy dose of pure lust to keep things interesting.” Lilith seemed quite pleased with that answer, but said unto me about it: “We are still very much alike, you and I, Kara. I do not know truly if that makes me feel more relieved or more frightened to notice. As the incarnation of death, I do not frighten easily either. I shall leave you to your dream, and hope it will go pleasantly from here. My own dream is ending and I must be awakening from it soon. We will meet again, as all living things meet me sooner or later.” She blew me a kiss and then stepped into the shadows and was gone. The sense of dread I always felt in her presence went away as soon as she herself had as thus departed.
Jessica then sat back on the couch... she had been standing and pacing nervously the whole time that I had been talking to Lilith and she to me. She motioned for me to sit next to her, patting the seat, and so I sat down, breathed more easily, and put an arm around her. She asked me tenderly: “Kara, do you truly love me just like you told the lady Death you did?” I kissed her lips, playfully at first then tenderly and at last passionately. After our kiss, I said unto her in answer: “These lips never lie, Jess. Whilst this may be forbidden for us to do, in the waking reality... here, nothing is forbidden and everything is permitted. Here, I can say unto you 'I love you!' and you can say it back to me, and we can do anything we want to. This is our never-land, and at least until it is time for me to wake up, we can enjoy it together.” The, she said a very strange thing to me: “What about when I wake up?” and I realized she was actually just as I had suspected all along: an alternate parallel Earth's version of the same girl that I know from my life in the waking world on this Earth. A girl from a reality where what we had going on in this dream was not forbidden at all, but entirely permitted. A reality in which the way of life during the Victorian age never ended, and which I was glimpsing through the dream that I was having. Even as she was likely catching a glimpse of my reality through her own dream. “Tell you what, Jess! When you wake up, remember all that we have shared together here in our combined dream. This dream, which is I realize both yours and mine alone! Not counting Lilith's intrusion for a moment there. Maybe you know me, or a variant of me at the very least, back in your world. If you do, then know that that version of me will love you with all its' heart even as at this moment I am loving you with all my heart. Do not let anyone keep us apart! Not your father or mother, or any one else either. Follow your heart, and since our love is permitted there let it blossom, let it rage, and let it envelop you. But above all! Waste no time, making it happen. Life is far too short, to let true love slip through your fingers.” Then, she winked at me and said: “That is who it is I'm sleeping next to right now, the other you from my own reality and my world. Maybe he is dreaming of your world's version of me even as we speak!” I found that thought highly likely and almost rather a bit amusing. This was not the first dream which took me to the threshold of a parallel world. Indeed, in some I even managed to cross over into the parallel reality itself for a brief span of time. We held each other's hands, and sat in the dim light of the kerosene lamps in the living room of that house, even as in that same house I was asleep in the actual waking reality, in the upstairs room with the white walls. I so felt a bit of sorrow and a certain degree of impending sadness as I realized that once I awoke, this girl... she would be back in her own world's waking reality, even as I would be drawn back to mine. And in at least my reality, we would be forbidden to even consider being together in such a way. “Will you think of me from time to time?” She asked me, almost reading my thoughts. I said unto her truthfully: “I will, but sometimes because of the way the laws are in my reality... I will feel a bit guilty for doing so.” She then said something to me that was truly profound. She said: “Any world where love is a crime must be a very sad and lonely, and terrible world to live in, indeed. No wonder you find mine so preferable!” I chuckled a bit, and remarked: “You are very wise, for a girl your age, Jess! The other me must have had the time to teach you a lot.” She smiled, and admitted: “Very much so! Everything of value that I know, I learned from you... the other you, I mean. My parents... well, I would rather not talk about them, if you don't mind.” I understood and nodded my head in the affirmative. In my own reality, her parents could be very hard on her, and her father in particular was not the most understanding of men when it comes to children. I half wondered if perhaps something tragic had befallen her parents in the other reality, the one in which Jessica and I were together as a couple. We kissed again, one last time, passionately, and I let myself be fully in the moment, thinking of nothing else. Yes, I realized... if the laws were different in my own waking reality, I would be with a girl like her in a heartbeat. There was no question, about that! And her eyes sparkled, in the dim light, drawing me into them as we kissed again and again. Until that sparkling was all I knew, even as the dream began to fade... giving way to daylight, and my eyes at last opening. It would be eleven o'clock in the morning, soon, and I so had to be up by then to start my day.
Published 23rd Aug 2023
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23rd Aug 2023 1:45am
WOW! A long but alluring....You are and amazing writer..Hugs and peace Oral xo
23rd Aug 2023 1:53am
Thanks lots! It can be tricky to faithfully relate a dream or a nightmare, and to capture every single feeling, every emotion, and every sensation that is in it experienced. But in this work, everything that I experienced is there and related perfectly. The beautiful and delicious things, and the hideously awful and super extra creepy things too. Big hugs for you also! *Smiles* :)
