deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sanity
Sanity is my friend
he lives inside of me
right beside the egomaniac terrorist
feeding off the hate of Americans
so much hate, love & kindness is nothing but an idea
a thought lost in translation
but everything is merely a contradiction
filled with guilt
a world of lost dreams & hopes
this sadness pains him
and sedates me
an keeps me calm when im at the edge
edge where both of my feet dangle
10 stories above
or when all emotions are lost
an the grip of my hand
wields the knife wanting to end all
than i remember
im just a reflection of my inner-self
--
he lives inside of me
right beside the egomaniac terrorist
feeding off the hate of Americans
so much hate, love & kindness is nothing but an idea
a thought lost in translation
but everything is merely a contradiction
filled with guilt
a world of lost dreams & hopes
this sadness pains him
and sedates me
an keeps me calm when im at the edge
edge where both of my feet dangle
10 stories above
or when all emotions are lost
an the grip of my hand
wields the knife wanting to end all
than i remember
im just a reflection of my inner-self
--
Published 19th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Apr 2012 1:54am
Why did you write this in five minutes? You could have put your thoughts together...
19th Apr 2012 2:01am
I was free-writing & yeahh I know. Imma re-write it later & make a full version. I just wanted feedback
19th Apr 2012 2:11am
19th Apr 2012 2:06am
1. Welcome to DU.
2. Anything is poetry if written well.
3. I'd take down that disclaimer at the end, let people take it as they will. If you're looking for honest opinions, none of that really matters.
Now, for the poem: there's some spelling/grammar to clean up ("egomaniac," "edge where both," "10 stories above," "then i remember" etc). I'd suggest taking out either the first or second "a thought" in lines 5/6, the repetition doesn't really add anything.
2. Anything is poetry if written well.
3. I'd take down that disclaimer at the end, let people take it as they will. If you're looking for honest opinions, none of that really matters.
Now, for the poem: there's some spelling/grammar to clean up ("egomaniac," "edge where both," "10 stories above," "then i remember" etc). I'd suggest taking out either the first or second "a thought" in lines 5/6, the repetition doesn't really add anything.
19th Apr 2012 2:36am
