Ears Become Larger

As you age.              
Your toupee gets the mange              
and shrinks on your head.              
Your eyebrows grow longer              
and your ears become larger.          
Needing a Weed Eater to trim        
the hair in your nose.           
         
You mistake Preparation H              
for toothpaste and nothing              
taste the same.              
             
Your varicose veins              
have become inflamed              
and you can't find the fire extinguisher.              
             
Your pacemaker needs a jumpstart              
and your hearing aids echo.          
Your canary has laryngitis          
and can't sing.          
            
Your doctor says you have cataracts          
and you ask what rapids have to do with your eyes.            
             
Your bowels back up.              
Constipation predicts rain.              
Your grandkid ate the stool softener.              
Who needs Doppler Radar?              
             
Your Horoscope reminds you              
that you have a date with Destiny              
and you never heard of her,    
but can't find your car anyway.                 
             
All your friends have crossed over              
and you have to ask for directions.    
 
The Chihuahua drank your prune juice   
and crapped in your recliner.     
 
Your wife asked why you didn't bring her flowers anymore
and you tell her that her mother is in the backyard
pushing up all the frigging daisies.        
             
You can't find the fire extinguisher              
and keep repeating to yourself...          
constipation predicts rain.