deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Would’a Could’a Dance
Would’a been
a perfect night
to invite you over
bed you down
fuck your brains out
swallow you whole
turn us inside out
Then talk ‘til Venus set
slowly curl on in
and snuggle down
spent and melting into
that which is True.
Instead in our
separate caves
we hunker down
you lonely
me alone
try to slay the immortal
appease the insatiable
fight for no/thing
gauging the futility
of this dance of One
masquerading as two.
But come on
look at our dance.
Aren’t we
beautiful
pathetic
tragic ‘lil creatures…
just two more creatures
caught in the would’a could’a.
So on we toil
as the sands of ‘time’
rain down on this futile battle
pointing us home
to exactly where we stand(off).
Someday. One day.
Alone. Together.
Nowhere. Now/here.
But not here. Not now. Not us.
Except maybe in the land
of the could’a should’a.
R.
a perfect night
to invite you over
bed you down
fuck your brains out
swallow you whole
turn us inside out
Then talk ‘til Venus set
slowly curl on in
and snuggle down
spent and melting into
that which is True.
Instead in our
separate caves
we hunker down
you lonely
me alone
try to slay the immortal
appease the insatiable
fight for no/thing
gauging the futility
of this dance of One
masquerading as two.
But come on
look at our dance.
Aren’t we
beautiful
pathetic
tragic ‘lil creatures…
just two more creatures
caught in the would’a could’a.
So on we toil
as the sands of ‘time’
rain down on this futile battle
pointing us home
to exactly where we stand(off).
Someday. One day.
Alone. Together.
Nowhere. Now/here.
But not here. Not now. Not us.
Except maybe in the land
of the could’a should’a.
R.
Published 20th Jun 2023
Author's Note
The orgasm of regret, of the lost cause, of the lovers/prisoners’ quest for freedom, of the orgueil of the lost and found: of the ecstasy of love masquerading as Love.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 4
comments 14
reads 366
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Jun 2023 10:11am
This spoke to me tonight. Edvard Munch's The Scream. The picture's "thousand words." 🌼
20th Jun 2023 3:03pm
WoW can I relate to this. I've long since lost count of all my coulda, woulda, shouldas.
Perfectly penned pain!
jj
Perfectly penned pain!
jj
24th Jun 2023 6:22pm
20th Jun 2023 3:41pm
Yep; reminds me of Pink Floyd -
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl. . .
Nice to see you back around these parts, Rachelle.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl. . .
Nice to see you back around these parts, Rachelle.
24th Jun 2023 6:23pm
23rd Jun 2023 7:01am
Reminds me of Peter McWilliams
"It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does."
That hidden universe of what if.
Shoulda
Woulda
Coulda
What could have been.
"It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does."
That hidden universe of what if.
Shoulda
Woulda
Coulda
What could have been.
24th Jun 2023 6:23pm
24th Jun 2023 1:50pm
24th Jun 2023 6:24pm
25th Jun 2023 11:41pm
"just two more creatures
caught in the would’a could’a." oh how many times did I linger on these thoughts, kicking myself for not taking the chances.
Amazing write.
caught in the would’a could’a." oh how many times did I linger on these thoughts, kicking myself for not taking the chances.
Amazing write.
26th Jun 2023 4:31am
Anonymous
- Edited 3rd Oct 2023 4:21am
3rd Oct 2023 3:33am
You asked for it.
I quite enjoy this poem. Some lovely lines--about what is "True" and "separate caves"--yes, that's fine! And the following lines about the dead-end-ed-ness of solitary masturbation, lovely! So true!
And yet, the poem loses some of its steam there! Not like Dickinson would! Miss Em would keep going. Go back and read "my life had stood a loaded gun" or listen to Art of Darkness Youtube podcast on Emily Dickinson, great, inspiring stuff! Or read Camille Paglia's chapter on Emily Dickinson in Paglia's book, "Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Dickinson"--she really shows the reader a Dickinson who get's "prettified" for the "folks." I much prefer the author's note about the orgasm of regret to most of the last 2-3 stanzas (the penultimate stanza has some great stuff!). But the author's note about regretful, lost-cause orgasms is true than the poems' denouement.
The poem deserves a stronger, more unflinching ending.
Best!
Mark
I quite enjoy this poem. Some lovely lines--about what is "True" and "separate caves"--yes, that's fine! And the following lines about the dead-end-ed-ness of solitary masturbation, lovely! So true!
And yet, the poem loses some of its steam there! Not like Dickinson would! Miss Em would keep going. Go back and read "my life had stood a loaded gun" or listen to Art of Darkness Youtube podcast on Emily Dickinson, great, inspiring stuff! Or read Camille Paglia's chapter on Emily Dickinson in Paglia's book, "Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Dickinson"--she really shows the reader a Dickinson who get's "prettified" for the "folks." I much prefer the author's note about the orgasm of regret to most of the last 2-3 stanzas (the penultimate stanza has some great stuff!). But the author's note about regretful, lost-cause orgasms is true than the poems' denouement.
The poem deserves a stronger, more unflinching ending.
Best!
Mark
13th Oct 2023 8:23pm
Thank you so much, Mark, for the great feedback! So appreciate it all!.. 💜💜 R.
4th Nov 2023 4:36pm
