Heavy through the earth

 
 
 
 
Quiet and nice
isn't necessarily  
an accurate  
state of mind
 
like the time
I was twelve
 
I thought of
crushing my  
fathers meds  
in his beer can
 
I would be  
lying if I said  
 
I didn't think  
about his face
turning a nice
shade of blue,
 
like the time  
I was fourteen
 
I thought of
clawing my
bestfriends
heart from
her chest
 
for leaving me
on this circus  
we call earth  
 
how fucked
I felt knowing
she broke  
our pact,
 
 
like the time
I was seventeen
 
I thought about
how walls hold
such misery  
 
I didn't want to
be released  
from the clinic
 
because I  
badly wanted,
 
no I craved  
watching walls
burn down until
they were ash
on the ground
 
I didn't care  
who was left  
inside either,
 
like the time
I was twenty  
 
the way I  
would spread  
myself wide
and thin
 
spaced out  
between here
and nowhere
 
hoping to
fall heavy  
through
the soil.