Moving Near (The quest to not be stupid)

Two days
before the end of the school year
weeks after i'd signed my '23/'24 contract
I abruptly announced to my vice principal
that i was not returning
 
brave
stupid
but mostly brave
hanging on to the wrong job
just because it's safe
limits one's life
and is therefore stupid
 
six months
after a hurtful incident
in which i learned
-yet again-
to trust no one
and to watch what i say
or type
i have to move on
festering over the injustice
can only limit my life
and is therefore stupid
 
my lifelong response to trauma
reveals a clear pattern:
move  
go somewhere else
start a new life
maybe back to the Pacific Northwest this time
or Asheville, North Carolina
or maybe just nearby Tucson
or all the way back to my childhood state- Florida
but no
DeSantis is governor
so that would be stupid
 
Phoenix is landlocked
polluted
overcrowded
the traffic is terrible
and i swear
a multi-colored scorpion
the size of a crab
carrying a machine gun in a violin case
scuttled under my refrigerator
maybe no machine gun (just maybe)
but it was ridiculously huge
but enough about that
i'm being stupid
 
new cities are fun
the thrill of discovery
being hyperalert in to my surroundings
new friends
new roads
new venues
new shops  
new restaurants
new topography
new weather
new vibes
same old me
i can no longer pretend a new place solves anything
that would be stupid
 
so what can i do that's not stupid?
I can get back into therapy
keep exercising
exercise even more
so that i'm so exhausted
i sleep more than four hours a night
i can let the right (likely local) job dictate where I live next
i can believe in finding answers
and work hard to find them
and realize that in ways
like anyone else
i will always be stupid
but every day  
a little more aware
more mindful
wiser
because
anything less
would be...
yeah
 
stupid