(title at the bottom)

i want to ink out all the pain
   splatter it all across this page
  or rather this funny little computer screen
dividing my time in a simple "actually...."

i want to claw at my skin
  rip it ro shreds to finally find within
the one who wont allow depression
to take the center stage we have been inventing
   to get rid of this gargantuan anxiety
standing shyly by the door

all i want to do is keep vomiting these words
   in hopes that one will bring me to be heard
that maybe im not so hideous as i feel
writhing underneath this meat and bone peel
  
    is there any other way to walk the path
or must i continuously watch others laugh
   or maybe its my own awkward eyes
  that believe im being made fun of for no design
   perhaps its all in my head
all the cocktail mixture going straight to the end
    where i patiently wait it out
  waiting, and i see that i've already lost it all to clout

am i just being a self serving menace
  to my own fragile place i cannot leverage
what state of affairs i find this all in
for words are slowly losing their lense

-to show me a way to carry on