deepundergroundpoetry.com
Trying to Forget You.
I count the lines upon my hands,
and every passing hour.
Sucking back the vaporous fumes,
my blood is stained sour.
Another bottle labeled for another person,
still I'm downing 4 or 6.
Euphoria is washing over me,
Am I done? You wish.
Hydromorphone swims through my veins,
I'm left with only some strange plant.
The detail in this room leaves me quaking,
Ultimate electric waves push me to a snap.
Too loud, too bright.
I can't comprehend.
Hands twisting and wrenching
at my burning organs.
Paranoia seeping through my pores,
rigormortis setting in.
Maybe I'll just sleep it off...?
I'm subconciously screaming for the end.
and every passing hour.
Sucking back the vaporous fumes,
my blood is stained sour.
Another bottle labeled for another person,
still I'm downing 4 or 6.
Euphoria is washing over me,
Am I done? You wish.
Hydromorphone swims through my veins,
I'm left with only some strange plant.
The detail in this room leaves me quaking,
Ultimate electric waves push me to a snap.
Too loud, too bright.
I can't comprehend.
Hands twisting and wrenching
at my burning organs.
Paranoia seeping through my pores,
rigormortis setting in.
Maybe I'll just sleep it off...?
I'm subconciously screaming for the end.
Published 14th Apr 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Apr 2012 8:03pm
Once again, the very risky dancing in and out of basic rhyming poetry to free writing. It makes it uneasy to follow, and not in a 'ripping out your soul' kind of way. I don't do the rhyme, but if a piece starts with a knee tapping rhythm, I think it helps if it stays with it, otherwise it appears to me as if the writers rhyming dictionary got lost half way through.
Still, you have ultimately captured the physical sensations of too much without glorifiation of loss of form. So there are good things at bay.
Still, you have ultimately captured the physical sensations of too much without glorifiation of loss of form. So there are good things at bay.
14th Apr 2012 8:34pm
15th Apr 2012 3:34am
That was wonderful! I loved how you told a story through a different type of person, it creates a different type of picture. Just wonderful.
~Pandora
~Pandora
15th Apr 2012 4:44am
"Paranoia seeping through my pores,
rigormortis setting in.
Maybe I'll just sleep it off...?
I'm subconciously screaming for the end."
rigormortis setting in.
Maybe I'll just sleep it off...?
I'm subconciously screaming for the end."
18th Apr 2012 8:22pm
