wading

i am trying my best
to hide away
from everything i know,
everything i cannot
understand,
these blood-stained
memories
scatter my hope
across senseless waters,
i dress the part
but yet, i refuse
to leave the safety
of my home,
i want to dance
but there is no music
loud enough
to cover my screams,
no light
bright enough
to blind my thoughts
of the things
i have looked upon,
in my life
i have waded
in too deep,
maybe i can
get the chance
to stay on the bottom
of my waters.