On Edge

First came the feeling of being deflated,
as though most of the air
were being slowly and smoothly
drained from my body.
Something inside me sunk
quite gracefully and quietly.
After that, I was shocked
by how fast my mood crashed.
I'm used to being in freefall,
but I nearly always know why.
DO I know why?
Well, yes, deep within,
but I just don't want to think about it.

I'm starting to focus.

My subconscious
is beginning to prepare me;
to pave the way;
to guide me through the feelings
that are likely to emerge.
So instead of being in shock then,
I'm starting to live it now.
With my history,
it's hard not to panic.
I'm learning
that nine times out of ten,
a black or desperate mood
is just that. It's transient.
Still, that something inside
is preparing to do battle.

Just in case.