a child in her heart

i pick my skin until i bleed,
scratch and rip it apart
every bit of dark disappears when we meet
but till then the dark is my whole, not just a part.

one second i’m at my best.
next i am at my worst.
just tired, can’t get any rest
from my mind, as if i am cursed.

but really, i’m just weak
a child that didn‘t learn how to soothe herself
with a heart where emotions just leak
and a mind that shuts down because of her heart and itself.

life goes on, and i function every day
where i get the chance i laugh and forget about the dark
but it slowly eats me up and it thrives, especially on sundays
i’m drowning and it leaves scars, a forever mark.

i’m a child in my mind and a child in my heart
capable of thinking and performing on highest of levels
but when it comes to regulating emotions i’ll fall apart
because then i’m on my own, ruled by my own
perfect devil